Leave Before You Love Me (COMPLETED)

FIN

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation."

– Rumi

FINN

It's good to be back.

I can't believe I just said that. It's been almost a decade since I left Michigan. I am now working in a different country as a film producer, something I didn't imagine doing before. At first, I just enjoyed helping my blockmates with our film projects, until I learned to love what I was doing. And now...

I sat on my old couch and glanced at the whole house. Everything is covered in white sheets, and I'm just glad Aunt Janna chose to hire a caretaker for the house, otherwise, everything will be covered in dust, especially that none of us are here to clean it. I still don't understand why she doesn't want to sell it. But I'm not in the position to tell her what she should do to her house.

I stood up and opened the door of my room. Nothing changed. It almost feels like I never left. 

I stared at the bed and smiled sadly as I remembered a memory. Nisha and I reading our essays beneath my blanket, her laying on my arms, my chin resting on her chin.

It's been almost a decade since I last saw her. Since I found out about everything she's been through. I did every favor she asked me to do. I enjoyed life, I graduated, I dated...and I never looked for her.

It was pretty hard not to. I wanted to see her, just to make sure she's doing okay. I was tempted to do so. But I stopped myself. I don't want to let her down. And so despite the pain of not seeing her again, I decided to move on with my life. But I didn't pretend like she never became a part of my life. I made her my inspiration to move forward. Whenever I have moments where I wanted to give up on my life, I think of how, despite everything she's been through, she never gave up and even chose to start a new life. Nisha left me with a huge scar, but she also left such a big impact on my life. Forgetting her is clearly impossible.

My train of thought got interrupted by my phone. I smiled when I saw who was calling. 

"Hey, baby"

"Hi! How was your flight?"

I sat on the edge of my bed and crossed my arm over my chest, "Tiring. I should've called as soon as I got here"

"It's fine, babe. Are you inside your hotel room?"

"I'm actually in Michigan. I wanted to visit our old home. Aunt Janna asked me to visit as well, you know since she can't come home"

Nina and I spent a few minutes talking before we ended the call. I wanted to bring her here but her leave didn't get approved. She always wanted to visit Michigan but our busy schedules never permitted us to go here. We've been together for three years now. It was hard to date at first. I kept on comparing everyone to Nisha.

They're not as pretty as Nisha. They're not good listeners like Nisha. They don't look at me like Nisha does. They're not as courageous as Nisha.

They're not Nisha.

It's unfair to date when I know in my heart that I'm still in love with Nisha. It's even unfair to date when there's a part of me that still hopes I will meet her again and we'll get back together. I know in my heart, that if ever we see each other again, and if ever she still feels the same way, I'll be with her in a heartbeat. 

It was hard to forget my feelings for her. I know I will always love her. But I just love differently now.

Nina came into my life and changed everything I was looking for in a girl. She's nothing like Nisha. And I don't mean that as an insult. Nina is so different and that made me fall for her. She knows about Nisha. I told her how I met her, and how I lost her. Of course, I didn't tell what she went through. That's Nisha's story to tell, not mine. Nina understands that there are moments where I still wonder how is she, or if she's still alive.