DAMAGED

9.

Isabelle's POV

I can't sleep. I've tried literally everything. I tried counting different coloured sheep, counting to a hundred and back; I even tried singing the song my mum used to sing to get me to fall asleep when I was younger. Nothing worked, so here I am; lying on my back in the early hours of the morning, wide awake.

To pass the time I take deep, slow breaths just so I know how far I can go before it becomes too painful. The fact that my dad willingly took it this far weighs on my mind. So much that I find myself clutching the sheets on either side of my body in frustration and anger. I didn't think that I'd be mad for what he did, but I am. I hate that he doesn't care, that he is somehow incapable of loving me. It hurts.

Why can't he love me like a father does his child? What is wrong with me? I sigh, cracking my knuckles. I should probably just let it go and move on like a normal human being.

A small knock against the door grabs my attention.

"Come in." I say.

Somebody pushes the door open, letting the light from the hallway into the room.

"Isabelle?"

The back of my hand quickly finds the few stray tears that have managed to appear on my face.

"Are you okay?" Janet asks and I nod.

"Yes." I confirm after realising that she can't see me.

"Why are you up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I had an assignment to finish."

"I can't sleep... nightmares." I answer truthfully.

"Mh." An awkward silence settles between us. "Can I switch on the lights?"

"Yeah. Go ahead." I sit up when she does as she asked, blinking a couple times until my eyes have fully adjusted to the light.

I look up at Janet, noticing how red and puffy her eyes are.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just tired." A faint smile replaces the frown before she moves her hand to play with the lights, dimming them a little. She closes the door and I move to the side, giving her space to sit next to me. She looks at me for a second after sitting down, attempting to read me, but I keep a straight face to prevent her from seeing anything.

"When?" She questions and I look at her, confused.

"What?"

"James told us you were assulted."

I swallow hard then shake my head. "I'd rather not talk about that."

She nods. "Can I ask about you being hospitalised?"

I hold back a groan. Is it okay to want to talk about this either? But she needs to know, right? She's my friend after all. Right?

Janet shifts her line of vision to the glass table before speaking up.

"What happened? How did you end up in hospital with broken ribs, internal bleeding and a concusion? I asked James, but he refused to tell me anything. He said that you needed to be the one to tell me."

I still for a second, not sure if I should tell her the truth or if I should just stick to the story I told her parents.

"You don't have to talk about it." She says after I don't respond.

"It's okay. I want to." I tell her, weighing my options. I know that she has never told anyone about the conversations we've had in the past. Even when I told her about the boy I had been secretly crushing on in 8th grade, she didn't tell a soul.

The truth it is.

"I tell you this and you tell me about Ashton."

She takes a breath, biting her bottom lip. "Okay."

I take a breath before I open my mouth to tell her about my relationship with my dad, from the first time he hit me after I had gone to mama's grave without his permission when I was thirteen to the day James walked in before I could take my last breath. I don't leave anything out. She listens attentively, not speaking until I'm finished.

I watch her take a moment to digest my words while I wait for her reaction. She gasps, realization hitting her. "So the rumors are true." Her hands cover her mouth as tears form in her eyes. "Oh my gosh, Izzy. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to bother you. I-"

She pulls me into a hug, cutting me off. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that." She pulls away and looks at me. "Are you going to go to the poli-"

"No!"

This time I cut her off, causing her to look at me with raised eyebrows.

"He's my dad, I can't do that to him. I won't do that to him. He doesn't deserve it."

"But Izzy-"

"James has already tried to talk me into it. He failed, so will you."

"James knows?"

"Yes." I look down at my hands, feeling quite guilty "He found out a couple months ago. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I-"

"It's fine. Don't feel bad about it. I'm not upset."

I look up at her. "Really?"

She nods.

"Thank you."

"So... what happens now?"

"With?"

"Your dad and everything. Does that mean you're never going back? And when are you going to tell mum and Nick?"

"I don't know. I just want to forget about everything. Going back isn't really something I'm looking forward to right now. I guess we'll cross those bridges when we get to them.

She nods in understanding before I decide to talk about something else.
"So... You and Ash? What's going on?"

"Oh my gosh." She runs her hand through her black locks: a sign of frustration. She releases a breath.
"I don't know. He keeps telling me that it's all lies."

"Do you believe him?"

"Yes. No." She groans. "I don't know."

"Jan."

"I want to, I really do. It's all just way too confusing. I don't want to make a decision and end up regretting it."

"I get it."

"You're judging me right now, aren't you?"

"What? No!"

"I can see it in your face, Izzy."
"I swear I'm not." I am. A little. "You love him and you don't want to lose him, it's normal. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know." She runs her hand through her hair again. "I don't know what to do."

"You know I'm the worst when it comes to giving advice."

"That you are."

I watch her push her hair from her face again.
"Don't stress yourself out about it." I tell her. "Everything will be okay in the end."

"I hope so."

"Please don't get mad about what I'm about to say."

"Okay?" She turns her body so that she is facing me completely.

"James didn't mean to be rude earlier on. He was just-"

"Looking out for me. I know, I'm not mad at him."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know he has my best interest at heart. Besides, we both know how James gets whenever other boys are involved." She rolls her eyes playfully just as the weak sunlight creeps into the dimly lit room. "I don't know why, but he tends to get a bit overprotective." She continues.

"Just a bit?"

"Okay, maybe a lot." She chuckles, lifting herself from the bed. "He's just looking out for us." She adds before getting up.

She advises me to get some sleep before she heads out to get ready for school. Yep, it's that early.