Misery Needs Company

Sentimentality

My soul desperately longs for a version of happiness

that my heart won't allow me to connect with.

It's been 13 years, 10 months, and 6 days

Since the moment that changed my life, unknowingly.

If you would've asked me back then where I saw myself

13 years, 10 months, and 6 days later,

I can guarantee it would've been nowhere close to here.

I'm still pretty sure this isn't where I was meant to be.

It's still pretty unclear what the lesson was that life was trying to teach me.

The only thing I know to be certain anymore

Is that if I could go back to 13 years, 10 months, and 6 days ago,

Knowing what I know now,

I'd be terrified to do anything differently somehow.

Because even though the pain is something you can't ever imagine being so ruthless,

It's harder to picture someone else giving me

those 13 years, 10 months, and 6 days of memories that were mostly filled with happiness.

The kind of true happiness that I genuinely believe I will never get back or feel ever again.

I guess it's true what they say;

All good things must come to an end.

I just always thought we were the exception.

How did we get so lost?

When did we stray so far off course?

Is it really over now?

Is this really how you want it to go down?

Am I only holding on because it's familiar?

Or do I truly believe that what we became is something close to sinister?

Maybe your dad was wrong;

When he said that 'love conquers all.'

I'm trying harder than my soul wants me to try,

just to get by without reminiscing on the years that gave me every single reason not to say goodbye.

But I know in the pit of my broken heart- it's finally time.

We had a good run;

but somehow we lost the chemistry that connected us.

I wish you nothing but happiness and everything that you deserve.

I think you should know that I don't blame it all on you anymore.

I can't say that I'm not also responsible for the way that I hurt.

I will love you for the remaining time I have in this life.

Maybe we'll find each other again one day

And we'll figure out how to make this right.

For now- I hope your heart is ready to part ways with mine.

I'll always cherish the last 13 years, 10 months, and 6 days of my life.

Even the days that brought us to goodbye.

We were pretty lucky to have each other for that amount of time.

My heart might never feel whole again

But at least we can say that we tried.

I love you- forever and always;

Goodbye.