Misery Needs Company

I Hope You Forget Me

*For Franky, Gage, & Sylas. 

-Because the 3 of you divide up the remains of my heart. I wish I could've always been what each of you always deserved and never got the chance to always have. I will never stop feeling sorry for the things I should've shielded you from. I just hope you always see how hard I've tried to make it up to you and give you all that you deserve, even when I can't, I do it anyway. Because without you, my life would have no meaning. I will never love anything in this world more than the 3 of you strong, amazing, perfect boys. Please always keep a piece of your innocence in your hearts and never forget the memories that helped mold the happy parts of your soul into who you are. You're incredible human beings. I love you with everything good inside of me.

-Love, Mom.*

I'm terrified that I'll never be better

Then who I was when I lost my mind.

I lost myself when we lost that house

and I'm scared that I'm just gone now.

I was always the strong one.

I held all the courage for all of us.

I had all the answers

Even when I didn't- I did, somehow.

And then I lost myself.

And I think I left my soul in that room when we locked the doors and said goodbye to that house.

And I'm afraid there's no way out.

Who am I now?

I think I've failed myself.

And I'm so fucking sorry that I used to be better.

And I don't even know if you can remember

But how can I be a good mother

With a broken heart and open scars?

I'm just so unhappy and yeah, I know how it happened

But I still can't figure out how I let my life get so far past me.

I'll probably forever tell you that I'm sorry

And I hope that you believe it

Because I truly do mean it.

I'm so fucking sorry!

I never meant to let the things I couldn't control, destroy me.

I just hope that you can forgive me

And that you never stop looking for me.

I never wanted our demons to ruin you.

I swear I did everything I could think of to make you feel loved

And I'm tearing myself apart inside every night

Trying to come up with a better sounding excuse.

I just want you to be happy.

And I want you to be proud of who you are

despite everything that's happened.

Promise me you'll always keep each other close by

Because when everything is said and done,

At least you never had to go through it alone.

You'll always have each other.

I never wanted any of you to ever know what it feels like

To be lonely in a broken home.

I just wanted to be a better mom to you

Then my mom never could be for me.

I hold the photos we took in the past

close my heart as if they're more than just a memory.

When your innocence was still young and beautiful

and your laughter left smiles on my soul.

I just hope you never resent me

And you understand one day

that I was only ever trying to protect you from the monsters that were out to get me.

I hope that you remember your mom from that house on Fox Run

And I hope that you forget me.