Misery Needs Company

Nostalgia

I wish I could justify my actions

And at least be able to say that you'll be better off without me.

But honestly I think we both know that's not true.

And I'm so fucking sorry!

'Cause the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you!

But, baby, I was hurting too!

And the fucked up thing is that you knew!

And you just wouldn't let me go.

You wouldn't walk away.

But you wouldn't even try to unhurt me.

And I just couldn't take the pain.

So I just couldn't stay.

But I swear, when I told you to leave,

I never thought that it would be-

The last time we were ever 'you and me'

And I never expected you to do what you did

And not come back to me.

Baby, you always came back to me.

And I always said sorry and we always got through it.

But if I would've known then,

That you'd do what you did,

I can't say for sure if I would tell you to stay,

But I know that I wouldn't have watched silently as you pulled away.

I guess I got tired of changing the locks.

Fighting til 6 in the morning

And ending the night with the same 3 cops.

And they always said the same thing.

"Go get a PFA in the morning"

But I couldn't do it

Because I couldn't see.

I wouldn't open my eyes or even my mind,

To the thought that it was really as bad as it sounded to everybody.

I was in denial because I was in love.

And I knew that losing you might kill me;

I didn't care about what it would cost.

But when you called me on my birthday and you told me what happened,

I could hear her laughing

As my heart fell right out of my chest and she smashed it.

I don't think I stopped crying that entire summer.

I never expected it from her.

I didn't understand what the fuck I ever did,

To deserve that kind of betrayal from you or from my best fucking friend.

But I still couldn't let go of you.

At least not completely.

Because you weren't just my first love,

You were the only thing I knew

And without you I was so fucking lost.

I needed you then and somehow I still need you now.

In 3 short months it'll be 2 years since I watched you walk out of that door.

But I can still hear the sound of the echo in the hallway from your footsteps on that floor.

My heart was left in that house,

Along with every piece of who I was.

I'm not the same person now.

And I'm scared that what I feel for you won't ever be the same kind of love.

Maybe that's how it goes.

But maybe it didn't have to.

Maybe we should've known.

But it probably wouldn't have mattered to you.

I just miss the way we used to be

and reminiscing still fucking kills me.