Everything feels terrible (Gorillaz x reader)

Wonderful yet terrifying mind

Thinking about gran made me feel shit. Remembering how sweet she was when I was a child and then turning into a mess who couldn't do simple tasks alone. The mind is a wonderful and a terrifying thing. I regocnized myself in my mom who, on the other hand, was like gran. It was a xerox of a xerox and there wasn't much to do to stop it.

Noodle found me weeping while I was gardening.

"What's wrong?"

"Gran used to have a beautiful garden like this." I sniffled and wiped my tears into my sleeve. She hugged me tight from behind.   "Do you think I'm a bad person for not crying in her funeral? Am I crying too late?"

Noodle shook her head and rested her head on my back.

"Me, my siblings and cousins used to run around her apartment when we were kids. We'd play all sorts of games and have sleep overs almost every weekend. Our gran used to bake with us and look after us like we were her own." I smiled.  "During summers we'd be at her cottage. There we went to a beach with these big floaties. My cousins had an alligator and a tire. Or we'd put up a slip'n'slide. During the evenings we'd take a sauna and run around outside the cottage naked."

I chuckled and noodle giggled.

"Gran used to be a nurse and a war child. She told me stories about the war, life during and after it, and about the times she was studying and practicing as a nurse. One of the stories she told me was about how she met granpa. Do you mind if I tell it?" Noodle shook her head as a response and we sat on a broken bench.   "One of gran's friends was visiting her in the city for mayday. She didn't know what to show her so she took her dancing. Again she didn't know where to go, so she asked another friend. He told that there might be room in a popular restaurant, so they headed there. As they were sat down a gentleman asked if there was a free seat, since the place was packed to the brim. Gran said yes and they got to talking and later married.... I don't remember anything about him, because I was 3 when he died."

I stayed silent for a while. Noodle didn't say anything either, but held my hand.

"We used to travel a lot with my family. Sometimes my cousins and gran would come with us. I was and still am priviliged in that way. Anyways, during our trip to Turkey, gran started to change according to mom. Few years go by and it becomes noticable. She started messing up things and her thought process was fucked up. Once I visited her and she made me a meal, she kept looking for onions that were never there. She looked every single drawer and cabinet for those fucking onions." I laughed.   "She kept forgetting to buy food and other essentials, she lost her money few times, messing up dates, kept asking same questions over and over. Gran was stubborn, like I am, and refused to admit or ask for help.  One day my mom had had enough and called for an intervention. My family, cousins and of course gran. Mom proposed that someone should go see gran everyday and call her twice to make sure everything is ok and that she takes her pills."

I lean against Noodle's shoulder and squeeze her hand.

"Mom believed that the main reason gran was going crazy, was because she wan't taking her medicen properly. She must've felt awful to hear that her own family didn't trust her. She did almost accidentally kill our dog, when she insisted taking care of it and gave it peanut shells instead of food. We already agreed that someone would look after her and that I'd be it. Others would frequently visit her and I didn't go sometimes if someone else was there giving her pills. I hoped she'd get better. Everyone did but we knew it wasn't happening. Once you reach a certain point, there's no coming back."

I sat back up and stared at the garden. It wasn't much since murdoc didn't want to fund my hobby, but I felt proud of it once bloomed over the summer.

"I'm sorry for bothering you like this. I'm sure you have other things to do." I stood up, but Noodle wouldn't let go of my hand.

"I'm sure she'd be proud of you and is watching over."

"If that's true she would've had 20 more heart attacks from the things she's seen me do." I laughed at my own joke.   "Thank you for being here. Means more than I can put into words."

She gave a weak smile and finally let go, giving a kiss on the cheek before leaving me to my garden.