Love & Bullets (bucky barnes x oc)

19: Flashbacks

Your eyes crack open to the bright white lights filling the room. A piercing headache pounds into your skull, spreading throughout your entire body. Every inch hurts, pangs of excruciating pain being the only thing you can focus on.

The room is quiet. Grey countertops and white walls all around you. A hospital. Stiff sheets tuck around your delicate frame, wires and IV's hooked in both your arms.

Unlike your traditional hospital story, there are no flowers. No cards, and no balloons with "Get Well Soon" plastered all over them. The countertops are empty, the only thing sitting atop them being the light specks of dust from the vents and a spare tissue box.

Scrambling to remember how you got here in the first place, you rush to put the pieces together. Memories slowly find their way into your brain, recalling the painful set of events that transpired in the warehouse the day before. You begin to hyperventilate, the heart monitor beeping rapidly to alert the room.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay." A warm hand clasps over your shoulders, startling you. Shooting your head up, James's worried expression meets your eyes. You didn't even know he was in here. "James?" You blink, hoping this isn't a fever dream.

"It's me. You're safe." His calm voice makes you breathe a sigh of relief as you lay your head back down on the fluffy pillow. You turn to face him, wincing at the throbbing pain in your neck. "He was there..."

Uncontrollable sobs burst from your cut, chapped lips. James' eyes shift into a somber expression as he watches you sob from your bed. Deep down, he feels intense guilt. He couldn't protect you from him, the one person you fear the most. He holds your hand, gently squeezing it before lifting his head to meet yours. "It's going to be okay."

"It's not, James. I can never escape him, he's always somewhere. Always haunting me. No matter what I do." Another sob. Just the thought of him makes you quiver in fear.

"He can't hurt you anymore, Alexandra. I promise. Get some rest, the rest of us will be here when you wake up, alright?"

You nod slowly, feeling the exhaustion creep throughout your body. Before you drift off, James says one more thing.

"You're not alone anymore, Alexandra. I promise."

〄

When you wake up again, James is slumped in the chair next to your bed, dozing off to himself. His buff chest rises and falls with each breath as light snores escape his lips. You take a moment to admire him in this state, calm and peaceful.

The squeak of the doorknob twisting open forces him to wake up, not noticing you staring at him.

"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah. But come in." His deep voice is like music to your ears.

In a moment, the rest of the group pours in, wearing their dark suits and thousand-dollar shoes. You crack your eyes open, pretending you just woke up.

"Hey, Alexandra. How do you feel?" Romanoff steps forward, cracking a smile. A fresh red scar on the side of her cheek, likely from a knife, is your main point of focus.

"I've been better." You start to roll over on your side but stop when you feel the sharp pain in your torso. Crying out at the shooting pain, you give up at the attempt and stay on your back, staring up at the bright ceilings. James stands to check on you, but you hold your hand up, showing him you're okay.

Parker remains silent in the corner, watching your tiny, beat-up body from where he stands. On the other hand, Rogers steps forward and offers a small bouquet of flowers. The gesture surprises you since he had made it clear that he heavily disliked you from the start.

"I didn't know what else to get..." He scans your bruised body, making note of the scars and gashes covering your skin. "You look better."

You laugh at his weak attempt at being sympathetic. "Thanks, asshole."

Parker finally breaks his silence. "How are you... considering everything?"

You purse your lips, debating how to answer. "Do you want the honest answer or the fake one?"

"Whichever one you're comfortable with."

You nod, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. "Everything hurts. I'm scared out of my mind. Funny, right? A spy that's fucking scared. It's embarrassing, really-"

"No, it's not. Nobody should have to go through that. I'm sorry we couldn't protect you."

His apology shocks you. Never in your life had you even imagined a mafia man would apologize  for not protecting you. It's just not something that ever happens. But you can tell that he genuinely means it, and that alone makes you feel a bit better about your situation.

"It's okay. It's not like it was your job to protect me. Actually, it was the opposite, and I don't blame you for any of it. The Don... he's a dangerous man. I'm surprised none of you got injured last night."

"We're okay. As for the Don... that's another story."

You freeze and turn to James. The memories come back like a tsunami as he stands up, gesturing for the others to leave.

"Alexandra-"

He takes a step towards you, and you can't help but shift away from him. Though you don't remember much from last night, the violent images of James smashing his fists into Don's bloody face cloud your memory.

He stops when he sees your face, the fear in your eyes. His gaze travels down to your lightly shaking hands, your tiny fingers quivering gently. Tears stream down your face as you stare at him feebly, your light brown eyes filled with strain. He tries to take another step, but the stress radiating from your quivering frame stops him.

"Alexandra? Are you... scared of me?"

His voice is deep and gentle, yet you can't erase the images from your head. You can't allow yourself to be fooled by his sudden kindness... not after what he did last night. Yes, he did come to save you, but you can't shake off the pool of blood that was on the floor. You can't forget his bloody knuckles. But most of all, you can't forget the look of pure enjoyment in his eyes as he beat Don to the point of complete and utter blackout.