all grown up | jjk

I'm So Sorry

"I'm not sorry." He leaned in again and kissed you deeply. You were fighting the voice in your head telling you to stop before it went any further. His hands now freely roaming all over your body, making your core throb, his lips began to etch subtle purple marks on your neck. Still against the door, you could feel how big and hard he was, how much he wanted this too. Everything in you wanted to give in and let him have his way, do whatever he wanted with you. It's been so long since anyone has touched you. "Is this okay?" He asked between kisses, making sure you were okay.

"Mm, keep going." Everything felt euphoric; his kiss, his touch, his smell. You led him to grab the soft flesh of your ass, then you made your way to stroke his hard length through his jeans. He let out a grunt and broke the kiss, his eyes still dark with lust, looking into yours. He needed to make sure he wasn't dreaming and that this was real - he was finally kissing you.

"Should we go inside?" As soon as he spoke, you came back to reality and stood frozen against the door. He stepped back to give you some space. He looked concerned. Maybe he went too far, maybe he should have stopped. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" He gently swept a piece of hair dangling in front of your face behind your ear.

"I--I should go." You said trembling, trying to unlock your door. "I'm so sorry Jungkook."

The door closed on him before he could get a word out. A moment later, you could hear him calling your name and knocking on the door. There was no answer from you so he grabbed his jacket and left. You sat on your bed trying to recollect everything that just happened. You were in a complete daze.

I went out and had a drink, slow danced with Jungkook, he walked me home, I kissed him, then he kissed me back and I stopped him.

You patted your cheek and pinched yourself making sure this wasn't all a dream. You couldn't call Yuna. You kissed her baby brother, for fucks sake. Who were you supposed to call? You thought about it for a second then you thought of Hyunie, a close colleague from work. You dialed her number in hopes she'd pick up.

"Hello?" A groggy Hyunie answered.

"I need to come over, stat."

"What...What time is it?" She looked at her phone, eyes bulging. "Yah. It's two o'clock in the morning."

"It's an emergency."

"Is it a writing emergency? Can it just wait until we get to work?" She was ready to hang up. It was too early for whatever this was.

"Hyunie, please. It's important."

Hyunie groaned loudly through the speaker. "You owe me, big time."

--

You arrived at Hyunie's apartment. It was still dark with a dimly lit corner lamp on. You changed out of your clothes into a cream colored ribbed sweater, paired with beige ribbed joggers, with a top knot. She opened the door and plopped herself on the couch, still half asleep, waiting for you to tell her what was so important that you needed to come over at two o'clock in the morning.

""So, what's going on?" She muttered with her eyes still closed. "Spill it. I'm not awake for nothing.

"I kissed someone." You spat out.

She immediately sprang up from the couch. "I'm sorry, what now? Did I hear you correctly or am I dreaming?" She pinched herself hard.

"You're not dreaming." You sat down next to her with your hands covering your face. You couldn't believe the words coming out of your mouth. Could it be one the dumbest things you've done in your life? Something that you'll regret later?

"Well, who is it? Please don't tell me you went back to U-jin."

"No, that's gross. I'd never do that to myself."

"OKAY, then spill!" She exclaimed, clearly tired and annoyed at how you woke her up in the middle of the night and wasn't saying anything of interest.

You quietly spoke under your breath, embarrassed to say it any louder.

"HUH? Speak louder."

"My best friend's little brother."

"Woww...Congratulations. Keep going, I need details."

You started from the beginning to where it all began, at your family reunion, bringing him on set, going out to meet him at the bar, the incident outside your apartment. "This is bad. It's bad right?"

"Yeah dummy it's bad. He's your best friend's little brother, but....what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

You threw a pillow at her.

Hyunie laughed. "What? You're a grown ass woman, he's a grown ass man. You knew what you were getting into when you went to the bar late at night."

It was hard to digest what she said, but a part of you knew it was true. You wanted to go to the bar knowing that it could lead to.

"Is he a good kisser at least?"

You gasped at your friend. "Hyunie!"

"Well, is he or isn't he?"

You nodded and couldn't hide your smile. Kissing him was like a breath of fresh air. Maybe it was because you had gotten so used to U-jin, that you forgot how it felt like to be kissed with such passion and vigor. You were fighting against yourself to not get up and head to his place to continue, then your mind went to what would have happened if you didn't stop him. You bit your bottom lip, imagining all the things he's 'learned' since he stated how much experience he's supposedly had. Your body shuddered at the thought of his hands running all over you again.

"Earth to Y/n." She said waving her hands in your face. "I need a picture. Do you have one?"

You showed her a few that he had on his Instagram.

She whistled. "I mean, if you don't get under his covers, I will. He's hot."

"What should I do?" It was a dumb question you asked even though you knew the answer to it.

She sighed. "I guess just make sure you're both up for whatever this is and make sure you know what's ahead of you if you want to keep this relationship going. How old is he again?"

"Twenty-four..." You said trailing off. And that's when it hit you, there's no way this would ever work. How could it? He was your best friend's little brother, you've known him your whole life, and then you go and let him feel you up. You blamed your break-up and the alcohol.

"Yeah, he's a lot younger. I mean it could work, but then again, it might not. Just prepare yourself if it doesn't."

You sat on the couch twiddling your thumbs. Hyunie was right. You should stop this before it goes any further.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I don't know. Maybe the age gap is too big. I mean I'm ready to settle down and possibly start having kids. And he's probably not there yet, but the thought of dating someone younger seems like a lot of fun."

"It's up to you." She said with a smirk. "So all you did was kiss? Nothing more?"

"I didn't let him get too far."

Hyunie scanned your face and then your neck. "LIAR! I see purple marks on your neck. My god, I'm scared of what this man will do to you."

You tried to hide the marks on your neck, but you got caught. You still couldn't wrap your mind around the thought of being in a relationship with Jungkook. It's Jungkook, the doe-eyed boy you've known your whole life. The bratty, cocky boy who annoys you. He still encompassed all those things but now in a more muscular, toned body. Ugh, why did he have to go and get all good-looking for?

The real question was did you even want those things you told Hyunie? Those things are what you're 'supposed' to do - date, get married, have kids, etc...Your thoughts ran off on their own, debating what your next move would be.