all grown up | jjk

It's Been a While

The lively sound of Seoul is hollering with cars honking and people conversing as you rushed towards the restaurant.

Checking your phone, you're a half-hour late. You tried everything in your power to leave work early, but your boss was hounding you to finish the last pages before you could go. The thought of your mom scolding you made you cringe, knowing she'd let you have it, even if it was in front of everyone you knew.

It's the dreaded ten-year family reunion. Something you wish your mom would stop doing. And why would it be such an unpleasant festivity to attend?

Well, one, the recent breakup with your boyfriend/fiancé, U-jin, of six years. You knew no one would let it slide without asking what happened. Everyone speculated, of course, but you'd never give them the satisfaction of knowing the whole story—no one needed to know except you.

Two, everyone would try to set you up with someone they knew. May it be a family friend's son, a co-worker's son, a friend of a friend's son, etc. The endless blind dates with boring men who weren't remotely interested, no thanks.

You are more than capable of getting your own date, hopefully. Though you found as you're getting older, it's harder to make friends - let alone go on dates again. The sheer horror of going through small talk to maybe get to the nitty gritty of a relationship was the worst - you hated it.

And three, it was the same conversation, "When are you getting married? You're getting old. You need to have kids soon".

You were only 33 years old, for fucks sake. Why all the fuss over when you would get married and have kids? Many people you knew were getting married and having kids later in life. It's not like you were dying to have your mother hover over you with a newborn baby in your arms. You could already imagine the things she'd say to you as a new mom, all the unsolicited advice thrown your way. And your mother being a grandmother? She'd probably love her grandchild more than she loved you.

You stopped, taking in a deep breath before pushing the door open. The bell chimed, announcing your arrival. The top of someone's head popped up from behind the partition, bobbing up and down to see who walked in. It was your mom waving at you to hurry.

Reaching the table where relatives and family friends were sitting, you bowed politely, greeting everyone and apologizing for your lateness. You finally made your way to one of the two empty chairs at the end, quietly settling in, trying not to interrupt the ongoing conversations.

A piece of stray hair became stuck to the gloss painted on your lips; annoyed, you moved it out of the way. You could see your mom trying to get your attention across the table as you tried to take a sip of the hot barley tea. Could she let you have a moment of peace before scolding you?

You mouthed a "What?" to her.

"What took you so long?!" she whisper-yelled across the table, turning the attention of a few relatives. She tried to hide her anger behind a smile as she looked around.

You smiled politely towards the ones paying attention and answered your mom, "I was stuck at work," you explained, gritting through your teeth.

"Then you should have known to try and get out of whatever it was. You know how important this dinner is," she scoffed and went back to the conversation she was having.

Typical mom response. You wouldn't have expected anything else from her. You'd think since you were her only child, she'd love you a little bit more. And how was this dinner important? It was an event to make your mom feel essential and needed. You saw it as a coping mechanism for her after your dad passed away when you were sixteen. You missed him too, but there were other ways instead of hosting events like this.