The Kiss Next Door (Unang Pinto)

Chapter 60

Pero ayaw ni Mama na makipag-usap sa kanila. She said she was ashamed. Kaya ako mismo ang tumawag. I can vaguely remember how the ten year-old me cried on the phone as I talked to my grandparents while my mother locked himself in our room doon sa tinitirhang bahay namin sa Cebu. She wasn't answering me. I knocked for so many times. I could hear her crying secretly. Sobrang natakot ako. Sa batang edad ko, nalaman ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano maiwan ng magulang. Ayokong pati ang mama ko ay iwan ako.

Thankfully, my grandparents still took me and my mom. Dito sa Manila, my mother started to heal from her depression and eating disorder. Unti-unting bumangon ang mama ko. I also transferred to a new school here and then I met Kei, Alex, and Chelsea, my childhood friends.

Six years later, my father became a mayor. Nakuha niya ang inasam niyang posisyon. And I knew about it because that was the first time he offered to support me financially. I was about to enter college. It wasn't a personal offer. Pinadala lang niya ang pinagkakatiwalaan niyang secretary  at iyon ang kumausap sa amin ni Mama. My mother had moved on that time. She had already redeemed herself. She grew and learned from all her mistakes.

Kaya na niya akong buhayin pero sabi niya, tama lang daw na suportahan ako ng papa ko. That's the least thing he can do, she said. Tutol ako sa ideyang iyon pero hindi na ako nakaangal. It was all given to me already. Enrolled na ako sa Marxon. Bayad na lahat ng tuition up to fifth year. May nabili nang condo malapit sa eskwelahan ko. Kulang na lang ay ang paglipat ko. May binigay na rin sa akin na credit card, kulang na lang ay ang pagwaldas ko. Mayroon ng kotse, kulang na lang ay gas.

And then, I thought: Oo nga, I'm still his son. Kahit galit ako sa kaniya, anak niya pa rin ako. Dapat lang na suportahan niya ako. Iyon na nga lang ang magagawa niya eh. If he can't be a father to me by being there for me, at least man lang gamitin ko pera niya.

That way of thinking was out of immaturity, and also, practicality. Marxon is such a good yet expensice school. Hindi ako makakapag-aral dito kung hindi ko tatanggapin ang tulong ng papa ko. Hindi naman kasi ganoon kayaman ang pamilya ni Mama. Pero nanatili sa akin ang paninindigan na hindi dapat ako maging masyadong nakadepende sa pera ng Papa ko. Ito ang rason kung bakit niya kami iniwan. Pera. Posisyon. Kapangyarihan.

So, nilimit ko ang mga gastos ko galing sa credit card. Hindi ako nagwaldas masyado kasi di ko naman pera iyon. Nag-aral din akong mabuti para pagkagraduate ko, ibabalik ko sa kaniya ang lahat ng itinulong niya. Ayoko na maging parang utang na loob ko sa kaniya ang pagtatapos ko.

For years, we hid the fact that I am Mayor Arthur Sy's son. I never told anyone. I didn't want anyone to find out. Naisip ko, mas mabuti nang ganito, iwas gulo.

But Rain found out. She overheard me and Mayor Sy talking when we saw each other back there in Cebu. It's been eleven years since I saw my father that time. Of course, there was longing. Iba naman kasi ang pakiramdam na alam mong may papa ka pero ayaw makipagkita sa'yo kaysa sa pakiramdam kung hindi mo talaga kilala ang papa mo.

But apart from longing, there was also indifference. Mas nangibabaw iyon sa akin. Labin-isang taon na ang lumipas. Walang nagbago sa kaniya. Ayaw niya pa rin kaming makita. It was like he didn't even miss me. Sabagay, may mga anak na rin siya sa asawa niya ngayon.

A father can have many children but a child can only have one father—biologically, that is. Kaya siguro ako lang ang nasaktan sa pagkikita namin. Ako lang ang nangulila.

Because he doesn't need one more son that could ruin his reputation.

He even suspected that Rain's family and I were up to something, kaya raw ako naroon sa Cebu that time. Ni hindi ko alam kung saang kangkungan niya napulot ang ideya na iyon. He was too afraid of losing his position that he became paranoid. Pati mga inosenteng tao na walang alam tungkol sa amin, pinagdududahan na niya.