The Kiss Next Door (Unang Pinto)

Chapter 60

Every day with her is what I would always need.

I realized that after being together with her for five months already. Even at that point, I still thought it was surreal.

I used to feel sad when it rains. I've had bad memories that were accompanied by a rainy day. Tila ba sumabay ang ulan sa kalungkutan ko.

Walang tigil ang pagbuhos ng ulan noong araw ng unang pag-iwan sa amin ng papa ko. He left us twice.

I was still seven when he first left us. I saw how my mom cried under the rain while my father's car drove off, leaving us standing and crying there. Niyakap ako ng mama ko, as if I was just the only one giving her strength. Kumalas ako para habulin sana ang papa ko. Pero ano nga bang laban ng maiikling binti ng 7-year old sa humaharurot na gulong ng kotse?

When I looked back to my mother, she was already lying on the ground, unconscious. I cried for help that time. In the middle of the rain, I thought no one's gonna hear me. Mabuti na lang may humintong kotse at tinulungan kami ng pamilyang nakasakay roon. Dinala namin si Mama sa ospital. May muwang na ako noon, pero bata pa rin ako. Wala akong maitulong na kahit ano maliban na lang sa paghawak sa kamay ng mama ko. Naalala kong tinawagan ng doktor ang lola at lolo ko. Agad naman silang nagpunta mula sa Maynila. Sa Cebu kasi kami noon nakatira. I remembered how my grandparents and my mother fought habang hawak-hawak ako ng lolo ko. Tutol ang lolo't lola ko sa Papa ko.

"Sabi ko naman sa'yo, di ba Pinky? Ilang beses ka naming pinaalalahanan ng papa mo? Tingnan mo anong nangyari ngayon! Iniwan ka! Paano mo na bubuhayin ang anak mo, eh wala kang trabaho?! You gave up going to Canada dahil lang sa lalaking hindi ka naman pinaglaban!"

I roughly remember some of my grandmother's lines during that time. Ang dami ng pinag-usapan nila, mostly about kung gaano katigas ang ulo ng mama ko. Kahit noong araw na iyon, nagmatigas pa rin siya. Ayaw niyang sumama sa kanila sa Maynila. Sabi ni Mama, babangon siya at maghahanap ng trabaho dito sa Cebu. I don't know if she still wanted to get back with my father or gusto niya lang talagang patunayan sa mga magulang niya na kaya niya ang sarili niya.

But I guess it was the former. Three years later, nagkabalikan sina Mama at Papa. I was innocently happy that time, not knowing na mali pala ang ginagawa nila. Because my father was already married to a daughter of a congressman. Basically, my mom and dad got back together but it was already an affair. It lasted for a couple of months until iniwan na naman kami ng Papa. He even firmly said not to see him anymore and not to tell anybody na anak niya ako. Apparently, he was running for local government office that time. He was beginning to be into politics. Sabi niya, makakasira daw kami sa reputasyon niya sa mga Mercado, ang pamilya ng napangasawa niya. We might get his image dirty, na para bang ang dumi namin. Na para bang kami ang mantsa sa puting polo niya.

That second time he left us, my mom wasn't able to take it well. She knew she was wrong. She basically became a mistress. She couldn't take that her sacrifices were only for nothing. She went against her parents just because of her love for my father. So, when the love of her life left her again, she was shattered. She had no one but me—a ten year old, who, back then, couldn't even cook for himself.

She suffered from depression and eating disorder. But she didn't let me suffer with her. She taught me how to cook and take care of myself at such a young age. And since I was only ten years old, I didn't know how to take care of my mom that is undergoing that grief in her life. I struggled on how to better my mom's mental health, since I was also so young mentally.

Pero may muwang na ako sa mundo. Alam ko naman na may lolo at lola pa kaming malalapitan. So, I told her na bumalik na lang sa Manila, sa lolo't lola ko. She can bring her with me. Wala na namang magagawa ang parents niya kapag nandoon na kami kahit pa gaano sila kagalit kay Mama. After all, she is their daughter.