On The Way

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟤𝟧

TW// mentions of self harm, Suicide, Depression

Kaylee's•POV

"shh baby.. it's okay.. it's okay," I told her. As I held her while she was crying, I replayed the events in my head.

Each time Billie has done something to me.. I ran into the arms of someone else for comfort.

I crave affection from Billie, and when I don't get that needed affection, I go out and get it from somebody else. It's a ongoing cycle at this point.

What if this cycle never stops?

What if it keeps going on and on forever?

Because we both know that we're too in love to leave.

Is this the type of environment, I want to raise Mayalin in? A toxic one?

She's going to grow up being with people who treat her like shit because of me.

It has never got this bad. I've never seen Billie, this angry at me. Which is saying something, since our whole relationship has been based off of anger, toxicity, and jealousy.

I need to learn how to love myself, before I try to love anyone else. Maybe if I loved myself, I wouldn't need attention and affection from anyone who gives it to me.

I love Billie.. I really do. I'm in love with Billie, I really am. But, just because I love her doesn't mean that we need to be together.

"Billie?"

"Y-yea?" She sniffled.

"I think we should break up."

It was silent after I said that. Her head was still on my shoulder, and her arms were still wrapped around my waist.

For a second, I didn't think she heard me.

"What?" She said, in a soft voice. She sounded so small. She sounded so drained. She sounded so tired.

"Baby.. I think we should break up.."

She lifted her head off of my shoulders and looked at me, with the most saddest and broken expression I've ever seen. It almost made me want to pull her back into my arms, and take it back.

But I know this is what needs to happen.

This is for the best.

"What do you mean?"

"This isn't working Billie. We need to work on ourselves, by ourselves.. if we want this to work."

"Why can't we just work together? I'm willing to," she said while grabbing my hands, and flicking her eyes between mine, with a hopeful expression.

"No Billie.. you need to heal. You've been through so much. We both have. A-and I know you hate me.. It's just too painful being in this relationship. For the both of us."

"No baby.. I don't hate you. I was just mad. But I'm better now. Please don't leave me.. please," she begged while bringing my hands up to her cheeks, making me hold them.

I can tell she was seconds away from having another meltdown. I don't want that to happen but, this breakup needs to happen.

"No Billie. We aren't good for each other. We don't work.. we haven't been working," I tell her as a tear ran down my cheek.

This is just as painful as it is to her, to me.

"P-please, d-don't do this. Please! I'm nothing without you," she cried. Her lips began trembling and tears started running down her face more.