On The Way

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣𝟤

^😩😩

"Billie we have to talk.."

Billie's•POV

Not going to lie my heart dropped when she said that. What does she want to talk about?

From the tone of her voice it doesn't seem like it's going to be anything good.

I hope she didn't come to the realization that she's too good for me, and wants to cut all ties with me for good.

I know what I said about me not needing her and acting like I was too good for her.

But that was all bull shit to be honest. I said it all out of anger.

My anger has gotten extremely bad over the past couple of years. But to be honest it's just an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with my sadness.

Like I've said before, when Kaylee left me, I was fucked up. Mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

I felt like a piece of me was torn away.

And eventually I just turned that sadness into anger because I hated feeling weak. I hate feeling weak.

But I guess I haven't grown out of that habit. So now whenever I get hurt I just say mean and hurtful shit to others so that they can feel my hurt.

Everything I said to Kaylee was actually me projecting how I thought she felt about herself. I think she knows that she's too good for me.

She clearly doesn't need me. I mean look at her life for fucks sake. Everything she has, she's gotten all by myself without any help.

She was the one who broke up with me. She has been doing just fine without me.

I was so genuinely sorry that I had fucked up, when she was scolding me for sleeping with Jaylene again.

So I panicked. I thought she was going to leave me again. So I started to call her names and act out of my ass.

Then when Marcus came I just snapped. I already didn't like his ass for the simple reason that he had Kaylee in only the way I should have her.

And I could tell that he was in love with her. It was like a fucking stench. You could smell his love for her from a mile away.

Even at the party I saw the glances he would take at her. He was head over heals for her. Sure he was there to make his ex jealous but, his hearts priority was on Kaylee.

I was hurt that she had slept with him but I refuse to show that side of myself to her again, so instead I just said some of the most hurtful shit I could think of mixed in with some of my insecurities about our relationship.

We definitely need some type of therapy, but that would mean I would need to open up. And I refuse to do that ever again.

I put down my fork and stop chewing while looking up at her with scared eyes.

"About what?"

She took a deep breath before saying, "About me being pregnant. Well about how I WAS pregnant."

No.

She didn't.

Why wouldn't she tell me about it first?

My face immediately dropped, "What the fuck do you mean 'was'?"

I could hear her audibly gulp out of nervousness.

"I got an abortion Billie. I know I should've told you but after everything that happened a couple weeks ago.. and everything you said to me, I just thought we were permanently done. And to be honest we don't need to raise a kid when we have all these issues. Can you imagine raising a kid in the midst of all of this?"