On The Way

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟦

bitter·ness- anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.

Omniscient·POV

Billie went through one of the darkest phases in her life when Kaylee broke up with her. She didn't get over the break up for a while. She never got over the break up to be honest. Kaylee was for many reasons; the best thing she ever had. God forbid her to admit that now.

She was well aware. Kaylee had loved her more than anyone else that she had ever been romantically involved with had. And she fucked it up all because her self esteem had gotten temporarily bruised.

She hated herself for what she did but most importantly she hated Kaylee. She hated Kaylee for making her cry herself to sleep for six months. She hated how every time she'd hear anything that had to do with cheer, she would tear up.

She says that she cheated because she wasn't feeling the best about herself and because she was sad and unhappy with herself. So in order to feel good about herself again she cheated. But little did she know, she was going to feel ten times worse when she lost Kaylee.

Billie hated feeling helpless, vulnerable, afraid, and hated feeling like she was being pitied. And that's exactly how she felt after Kaylee broke up with her. All she did was cry for months.

It was like anytime she would come around Finneas and Claudia they would cut down their PDA just so they wouldn't trigger any water works from Billie.

Billie hadn't been that depressed in years. Before she met Kaylee she was in a stable and comfortable place in her life.

Then when Kaylee entered her life l, she was finally at a consistent level of happiness. And of course she had to sabotage that. Soon all that sadness and depression converted into anger and resentment.

Fuck you Kaylee for making me into a little bitch. Fuck you for making me weak. Fuck you for breaking my heart..

She still was in love with Kaylee. She always will be. She hasn't been able to get emotionally attached to anyone since Kaylee. And you best believe that she tried. As she's got more mainstream and famous it got harder and harder to go out and date.

But she found herself not being able to trust anyone else. Even though she fucked up her relationship with Kaylee, she still didn't trust anyone else with her heart. And most importantly.. she didn't trust herself.

She didn't want a repeat of her break up with Kaylee. She wouldn't allow that to happen. So the solution to that is just never get emotionally or romantically attached to anyone ever again. Especially not Kaylee.

When she saw Kaylee at the party with Marcus she couldn't help but to feel angry. She was mad that she was with somebody else and she was mad at how good she looked. Kaylee had always been beautiful to Billie, but she looked ethereal now.

Her body was curvy and her hair was done so good. Her face matured and looked so beautiful that she almost looked sculpture-like. All the details in her face were sculpted out so perfectly it almost didn't look real. Its like God made zero mistakes, with everything about her.

And Billie hated herself for losing such a beautiful work of art due to her stupid antics. So what did she do? She converted all that resurfaced pain and turned it into resentment. She was bitter. All it was, was a defense mechanism. A way to cope so to speak, since she never properly did.

She never could. She wouldn't allow herself. She was so angry at herself, and so angry at Kaylee. And for two years she's dwelled in that anger and bitterness. After Kaylee she never was committed to one person. She never allowed herself to love anyone else.