Probably, Maybe Not A Good Idea

Part Fifty-Four

Jess’ POV

I awoke way too early the next morning to a blaring alarm clock. “What the hell?” I mumbled, turning to see Aston sitting up in bed and grabbing at the clock to switch it off.

“Early start for me I’m afraid.”

“Why? I thought you were off through the weekend?” I asked. It was only Tuesday morning, we were supposed to have almost an entire week together.

“Nope,” he frowned, “I thought I told you. We’re doing that festival performance up in Scotland tonight.”
“Scotland? Tonight? Festival?”

“I swear I told you,” Aston sighed, “At first we declined it but then someone had to pull out and they called basically begging us to come up. I’ll be home in time to pick you up from work tomorrow.”

“But…”

“I know we said we were going to spend the day together since we’re both off, but I gotta do this for the fans.”

“I know,” I sighed, “I just miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Aston said, leaning down and kissing my head gently, “I promise I’ll be at your work tomorrow to pick you up and then we’ll spend the next few days just us two.”

“Minus when I have to work.”
“Right.”

“Ok,” I said, giving up on trying to argue because I had no argument, “You best get ready.”

I lay back in bed and watched Aston bustle around, packing an overnight bag and then making sure he had all of his things for the journey. I hated that I didn’t know he was leaving again, but at the same time I felt selfish. He was clearly doing his best to spend time with me; it wasn’t his fault his job was so demanding.

“Babe,” Aston whispered, shocking me out of my thoughts.

“Hmmm…”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” I said, “I’m just disappointed that the fates or whatever aren’t giving us more time together right now.”

“I know but I feel like it’s my fault,” Aston said, sitting down on the bed and stroking my hair gently.

“It’s not.”

“Ok,” Aston sighed, “How about I give Roch a call. She’s back in town this morning. I’ll get her to take you for a meal and drinks tonight.”

“I can call her,” I said.

“I’ll do it,” Aston replied, “Anyways, I should go. You can let yourself out and lock up yeah?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll see you after work tomorrow,” he continued, “I’ll be waiting right out front as always.”

“Ok.”

“I’ll miss you,” he said with a faint smile.

“I’ll miss you too,” I said, sitting up and watching him grab his things. He came over to the bed and gave me a quick kiss, and then pushed his way out of his bedroom. “Ast!” I called, just as he disappeared from view.

He popped his head back in the door, “Yup?”

“I…” I started, staring at him. He had a lost look in his eyes, like he was upset that he’d made me upset. “Have fun!” I said brightly.

I couldn’t bring myself to say those other words, even though I wanted to. I was just so scared that he wasn’t going to feel the same way. I couldn’t do it to myself.

“I will,” he grinned, “Bye babe.”

“Bye,” I whispered, listening to the doors slam downstairs as he left the house.

I don’t know why I was so scared to tell him I loved him, I’d been feeling it for months, probably since Valentine’s Day if I was honest with myself. At first it had been more a fear of saying the wrong thing too soon. I hadn’t wanted to scare him or jump the gun on our whole relationship. And then when months had passed and no one had said anything it became more a matter of being afraid that it was all one-sided.

“Damnit Jess,” I groaned, falling back on Aston’s bed.

I took my time getting up that morning, lazing around in Aston’s bed for a few hours before dragging myself up and getting ready for the day. By the time I was back at my own place I had a text off of Rochelle to meet up that night for dinner and then wine and a film at her house.

“Hey babe,” I said as I sat down across from Rochelle at the restaurant she’d picked.

“Long time no see,” she grinned.

“How’s the band thing.”

“Good, how’s the radio thing?” Rochelle asked.

“Exhausting, we were at a festival this weekend.”

“Sounds fun to me,” Rochelle said.

“It’s fun up until the point Noah decides we must stay up all night every night raving to terrible trance music.”

“Oh Noah,” Rochelle laughed, “You seen Aston then?”

“Briefly yeah,” I said, “I stayed at his last night but I was so exhausted I pretty much slept the whole time. And then he dropped the whole Scotland bombshell on me.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe they did that,” Rochelle said, “I haven’t seen Marvin in like five weeks.”

“Those boys can be so mean.”

“So then Jessica,” Rochelle said with a playful smirk, “Have you said those three words yet?” It was a rather regular conversation with us. Rochelle knew how I felt, and she knew I was having trouble getting the words out of my mouth.

“No.”
“And why not?”

“I panicked,” I said, “And it’s not like he’s said anything. It would be so much easier if he just went first!”

“Maybe he’s just as scared as you are?!”

“I don’t know,” I said, looking across the restaurant as I thought about the whole situation, my eyes catching something a tiny bit familiar, “I just have this horrible feeling that when I finally do say something I’m not going to get the response I want.”
“That feeling is normal,” Rochelle said, “But you won’t know unless you say it.”
“That’s what Ev and Noah keep telling me,” I sighed, taking a sip of my drink.

“Hey, isn’t that Cooper?” Rochelle asked suddenly.

I turned to see Cooper, my ex, stood at the bar with two other guys. The three of them were in neat business suits, swirling glasses of scotch as they chatted away. I’d thought that was him when I’d spotted him, but I’d kept my mouth shut.

“Yup,” I sighed, “That’s him.”

“Are you going to say anything to him.”
“I’d prefer not to,” I said, “The last time was absolutely awful.”

Unfortunately for me, it didn’t seem like anything was going my way. As Rochelle and I grabbed our bags, ready to head back to Rochelle’s for a film and a bottle of wine, I was intercepted by Cooper right outside the restaurant.