Your Smile - Tommyinnit x Reader

I'll Be There

Edited.

Song of the Day: Heather by Conan Gray

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A gust of air bites at my face as the honey-colored doors swing open with ease. The atmosphere is light and airy, almost like the first day I set foot in here but everything seems almost foreign rather than new.

The sweets are still aligned neatly behind the glass windows by the counter and the daily special sits high in the corner airing its luring smell throughout the bakery.

Everything still looks the same but it feels different, almost as if I shouldn't be here.

Tubbo walks in next to me. "Alright, let's order something, yeah? I'm paying." He strolls up to the counter waiting for someone to serve him.

I shrug and stand next to him.

"Where's Wilbur or someone, this is bad service," Tubbo complains. "I'll have to warn them."

I snicker over the thought of Tubbo talking in a stern voice to Wilbur who is in fact older than Tubbo. I find it ironic.

Once Wilbur finally reaches the counter we order our things after Tubbo scolded the tall British male. I ordered a pink fizzy lemonade and Tubbo bought a baguette and chocolate chip cookie.

"Are you going to eat that whole thing?" I point to the large baguette that the brunette holds tightly in his hand.

"Yes." He says in a huff.

We sit in the same booth that I did when I'd draw for hours and hours and secretly admire Tommy. But now when I sit in the same booth I no longer experience the floating feeling in my stomach for the boy. It's more of a nervous feeling that I'd prefer to get rid of. Like the feeling before a test or an important performance, it's icky and unwanted.

"Y/n, your face is quite pale. Are you alright?" Tubbo asks, taking a bite from his cookie.

"I'm fine, just a bit nervous," I say, lowering my head.

I secretly hope that Tommy never notices that I'm here. But unfortunately, Tubbo has a paper of everyone's shifts and we came during Tommy's, hopefully, he skipped.

30 minutes pass and I still don't have my lemonade. I frown, it doesn't take that long to fill up a cup. Nausea begins to build up in my chest. What if Tommy did this on purpose? He hates me.

What am I even doing here? I had been doing so well, ignoring and avoiding him. I finally figured out how to let communication die out but here I am, sitting in a booth by just a matter of feet away from him, starting the cycle all over again.

I try to imagine his reaction, would it be joyous? Or it would be retaliation, so disgusted with me that he'd go and hide in the back until I leave.

The air in the cafe suddenly becomes hard to receive and cold almost as if someone sucked all of the oxygen from my lungs.

"Tubbo, I'll be in the bathroom," I say, clenching my chest. My legs carry me over to the lavatory and over the sink.

Come on, throw up already. I can feel it rising but it won't come out.

He's still with Ashley. He won't love you, just like your parents, he'll see you as a broken girl.

I gasp for air, desperate for some sort of closure, some sort of reassurance. But when I reach out there's no one there. No one to hug or hold close. No closure.

There can't be closure when there are already so many holes to fill. The dirt I threw aside had been blown away by the wind, lost in the sea. It would take months, maybe even years to fix the problems that I let become life-threatening.

What kind of closure am I even looking for? The content from someone saying they love me? Someone, to be there? No. The closure of knowing that I'm enough. That I'm enough for myself.

I constantly bash myself for things that aren't even my fault, for things I can't control. Like love.

I can't control who loves who. No one can. No one will. You can manipulate someone into a relationship but deep down they won't actually love you, it's not something that can be forced.

It's unpredictable. One minute you'll be happy and single then boom... before you know it your hiding from the one you love. It's torture honestly, but one I will keep on running back to him. It's addicting, he's addicting. Every movement and word is like poison dripping off of him but it's disguised as sweet candy. Afterward, it makes you sick from eating too much of it.

It was simply a coincidence that I happened to walk into this bakery on the same day Tommy started his job. But it was fate that when I looked into his eyes I saw something I didn't in anyone else's. I saw hope, hope for a new future, a new and better me. And if he won't love me, then I'll love him.

He'll still receive the same amount of attention and affection as before. I'll text him daily, asking about his girlfriend and how he is and I'll be there. I'll be there when he has fights with his girlfriend or parents. I'll be by his side to hug him when saltwater accumulates from his eyes that was caused by stress.

I'll be there for him until my last dying breath. Even then, when I'm a ghost, floating around forgotten by everyone on this earth, I'll still love him.

"Y/n? Are you in here?"

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This chapter made me cry. :(

ARAL SLEEP!!!!

ok goodnight my friends. Sleep well. Drinky your water

please. guys, please.