College Days [Elizabeth Olsen]

Part 17

I turned the shower on and as soon as I did my mind went a thousand miles an hour. I didn't know what to think. I really wanted her to take this job, I wanted her to do something she enjoyed. As I stepped into the shower my body felt numb. I had been through this before. My ex had gone straight to a job which he enjoyed when I went to university, I let him go to do something he wanted to do, and he left me. I didn't matter anymore. 

I slid my back along the shower wall as the thoughts of my mind was telling me made me feel trapped. I sat in the shower silently crying for a while. I didn't want Lizzie to see me like this as I knew it would affect her decision. A decision I should be a hundred per cent happy for her but there was always that underlying feeling that once she had this glimpse of being as famous as her sisters that I would instantly loose her. I couldn't loose her. 

As a sat their letting the water trickle on my skin, there was a little part of my brain that was trying to keep positive, knowing that I needed to act as normal as possible. as happy as possible for her. I needed her to do what she wanted to. I kept telling myself. The two halves of my brain argued with each other making my head pound. 

'Ing, have your drowned in there?' Lizzie giggled from outside the door. The positive side of my head needed to win at this point. 

'I didn't even realise how long I have been in here' I fake giggled turning the shower off and quickly began to dry myself. I wrapped my towel around me as I caught my own eye contact in the mirror. I exhaled as I looked at myself. In my head telling myself to get over how I was feeling and to be happy for Lizzie and her achievement. I walk out the shower to see a fully dressed Lizzie sat on the bed reading a book.   

'You okay baby?' She asked looking over her book.

'Yeah all good' I gave a believable smile as I rummaged an outfit out of my suitcase. 

'Are you sure about that?' She walked behind me and snaked her arms around my waist. I must not have been as believable as I thought. 

'I am never going to drink as much as your sister again' I mumbled as I held my head hoping I could play off having a headache from my hangover. Lizzie just let out a little giggle and then let go of me as she went to sit back down so I could continue to get ready. I tried to get ready as quickly as I could as I needed me and Lizzie to go and do something as from previous times when my brain argues with itself the best thing to do is distract myself. Sitting around was the worst thing for me to do. My thoughts would be all over the place. 

'Right come on beautiful' I shouted through from where I was tying my shoe lace in living room, Lizzie was still reading her book on the bed.

'Coming baby' I heard her jump from the bed as I put my coat on. 

'Where are we going today then? What are we going to see?' Lizzie stood on her tip toes in my eye level which snapped me out of my thoughts. 

'As much as we can!' I tried to sound as positive as I could. I needed to do as much as I could. I needed my brain to be distracted from arguing with itself. 

The coldness of the London air hit our faces as we walked out the apartment. I heard Lizzie inhale as the breeze hit her face. I wrapped my arm around her rubbing her shoulder to create a bit of warmth. She smiled up at me. Her smile was perfect, one of the first things I fell in love with. If all my brain could see was her smiling, I think it would forget how broken it truly was underneath everything. This is probably why I have been doing so well recently. I have spent everyday with her since the day we met, even if it was for an hour lecture, I still got to see her, see her smile. Then as soon as there is mention that I could loose her I started to drown in bad thoughts again. 

"Ooo Brunch" Lizzie pointed out a café down the street as we walked towards it. I wiggled my eyebrows to suggest we go which receives another famous Lizzie smile. We take a seat inside the café and look briefly at the menu. I could tell that Lizzie was occasionally looking over her menu at me. 

'Ingrid Louise Evans, what aren't you telling me?!' She sighed, I must really not be good at playing this off. I looked up shrugged my shoulders and fake smiled before looking back down at my menu. 

'I have seen you drink more than that before and you waking up with no hangover so I'm not taking that as the excuse' She sounded frustrated at me which made me feel nervous. I started to giggle my knee under the table as I needed to do something to calm my nerves. I didn't give what she said a reaction. 

'This has happened after I mentioned the job' She realised. I look up at her with a blank expression. 

'Just talk to me about it! I haven't told my sisters if I am taking it or not yet. Just tell me how you feel about it so I know what the right thing to do is' I lifted my head from the menu and rubbed it with my hand. This was not the plan. 

'Lizzie I am over the moon for you honestly!' I exclaimed as it started to sound like I was putting her off the job and that was the last thing I wanted to do. 

'Maybe try telling your face then' Lizzie huffed as she stood up from her chair and walked over to the counter. Me and Lizzie had argued and gotten frustrated with each other before, in public too, not very often but when we do we know one of us has to walk away for a few minutes and then we come back together and we talk about it properly. I knew when she stood up to go to the counter that this was he having to walk away before the conversation heated into an argument. 

I watched her from over the cafe as she started to talk to the waiter behind the counter. I knew this meant I had a couple of minutes to get something together for when she comes back. My mind was everywhere at this point, everything piling on top of each other. I rested my head on hands and tried to think. Lizzie then turned from the counter with a tray with hot drinks on for the two of us, as she approached the table I moved my elbows so she had somewhere to put the tray. 

'So what is the matter? I will let you talk' She pushed one of the cups towards me before taking the other to her mouth. 

'Can we talk about it later at the apartment, I can't explain everything now. But just know I am extremely happy for you about this role and I am sorry if my face said otherwise. I promise Lizzie this is all I want for you. for you to do something you enjoy!' I took her hands in mine as she placed her mug back on the table.  

'Right fine but you are talking when we get back' She gave me a stern look.

'I promise' I gave her a small smile as I was thankful she didn't make me talk about it in the middle of the café. 

Hey guys 

Hope you have all had a great day or are going to have a great day as I have realised that we probably aren't all in the same time zone. 

I hope you are all enjoying where this book is going. I am really enjoying writing it and yeah let me know what our thoughts are. 

Sorry if this chapter is confusing, I go through moments like Ingrid has mentally in this chapter so I kind of just described how it feels to me and totally understand how that can be confusing but ingrid's mind is all over the place so I guess it makes sense if my writing is all over the place hahah. 

but see you all in the next chapter probably on Monday :D