"𝗪𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘀" - 𝗞𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻

"Page 17"

🛸Song recommendation:
Someone Will Be There For You - Lontalius

"I thought you loved me."

"I lied."

There was nothing.
For a moment the world ceased to exist and Kuroo could feel the the abyss around him, taking everything he'd ever known or cherished.

Kuroo could just stare, not being able to comprehend the words.

Kenma looked back at him for a moment, his eyes seeming teary.

"You lied?", Kuroo managed to whisper after a while. With each letter he could feel his heart breaking further apart. Why, Kenma?

"I'm sorry."

"So it was a lie the whole time? You don't love me?" Kuroo's voice sounded stable again, numb. Like something inside of him had died. It didn't make sense at all.

"Of course I love you, Kuroo."

Silence from both sides. Kenma almost seemed shocked for Kuroo to consider it and Kuroo was busy trying to figure out the mess inside his head.

Minutes passed.
Kuroo's feet started to get sore, so he slowly took a few steps towards Kenma and sat down in front of him.

Around them, a few soft petals were falling from the cherry tree.

"What did you lie about then?"

The question was a bad omen, it always was. But there was no way around it.

Kenma's eyes watered and Kuroo could see the first tear slide down his cheek.
"I lied. I'm not fine, Kuroo."

So Kuroo had been right after all. Kenma was sick again.
He slowly leaned forward to pull the smaller body against his, muffling his sobs as he pressed his face into the other's shirt.

"How long have you known? Which stage of cancer?"

Just moments ago he thought he'd be angry to know Kenma had kept it a secret again, but now he was only desperate for touch and more time.

"I already told you, there is no cancer, Kuroo.", Kenma murmurred against his throath and Kuroo's feelings turned upside down for the fifteenth time in the last minutes.

"What is it, then?"

"Me."

Kuroo lifted up Kenma's face a bit, tears making his vision unclear.

"What do you mean, you?"

"I mean that I'm destroying myself, just like any sickness would. And I don't want to hurt you, too.", Kenma whispered quietly.

Kuroo needed a moment to understand, his chest ringing for air.

"Mentally."

Kenma nodded slightly, turning his gaze to the side. "The worst about the cancer wasn't the fear of dying or anything. It was hating life and myself in it. And even now that it's over, the feeling didn't go away. I'm seeing a theraphist and it's helping. But there's still a part inside of me that...has given up on life a long time ago."
His voice just became a faint sound at the end, like not saying it could reverse reality.

Kuroo sat there, helplessly. He understood, had been thinking about his life in that way for a while, too.
Still, he didn't know what to say.

Inside he felt like he was breaking, but he just continued to stare at Kenma, desperately trying to hold back from crying.

"I want to live. With you.", Kenma mumbled."I do. But sometimes it just all gets too much. There are days, where I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. I don't like crowds or people in general. There's not much I still have motivation for." He paused for a second, then leaned his forehead against Kuroo's. "And then there's you. I want to spend time with you, always. But you're okay Kuroo, you're healthy. You shouldn't have to miss things in life because of me. I want you to go out with your friends and play volleyball and to just forget about me for a while."

Kuroo had closed his eyes and pulled Kenma closer with trembling hands.
"What if I don't want to forget about you?"

"Then you should still try. Live life, Kuroo.", Kenma spoke softly. "And everyday when you come home, I'll be waiting for you."

A single cherry petal landed on Kenma's head and Kuroo reached out to take it, before kissing it and putting it in Kenma's hand.
"I'll always come home to you, Kenma Kozume."

-------------------------------------------------------

Just a quick reminder to drink water and take care of yourself, alright?

If you ever feel like it's getting too much don't hestiate to text me or to reach out for professional help!

Stay safe! <3