I knew I had to let you go, I knew that you made the best decision for both of us but it is hard to let you go when I see you in every hallway and around every corner. You're the first face I notice when walking into a room and when I hear your laugh, I still can't hold back a smile even when my heart is aching.
"Earth to Calum?" Ashton said from across me at the lunch table. I looked up at him and raised my eyebrow confused. "We were talking about the party we're throwing tomorrow, you zoned out." He said before looking behind me at the face that was always on my mind. "You have to move on."
"I know, I just didn't expect it to be this hard to let her go." I mumbled before I took another bite from my sandwich. "I just want to know why, because I know something is holding her back that she's too afraid to admit."
"It doesn't matter what is holding her back, she's not ready now." He said before Michael sat down beside me with Crystal by his side. We stayed silent for a second but he seemed to have no interest in talking to us. "It's her birthday on Monday, they're throwing a big party and I'm invited as Sam's plus one. Do you want me to say something?"
"Not on her birthday." I replied with a soft smile, "She deserves a good night, I don't want to ruin it in any way."
"Are you planning on saying anything at all to her? I know you set yourself up for heartache but do you still want to know why?"
"No, even though I believed so at first, she doesn't owe me an explanation. Maybe there's no reason behind it or maybe she's scared but either way, she doesn't owe me an explanation." I replied and he looked at me with a proud smile. "She hurt me but that's my own fault, I expected her to change when everyone told me she wouldn't. I should have listened."
"I'm proud of you for finally realising that." He said with the same stupid smile still on his face.
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CalumHood: i just wanna write love songs but you're always on my mind
174 likes AshtonIrwin: stop thinking about me, I dont like you very much CalumHood: @ashtonirwin you're a fkn loser MichaelClifford: I think we all know who this is about LukeHemmings: @michaelclifford its pretty obvious CalumHood: @michaelclifford @lukehemmings fuck you SamEvans: I warned you.
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I was laying in my bed, turning around constantly and my mind racing with thoughts. It was already 2am but I was still doubting if I should send her a birthday message or not. Flashbacks of the evenings and nights we spend together kept going through my mind. I missed her, I wanted her back but I'd ask her to change herself to be with me. Everyone warned me at the start and I got pissed off at them while they knew this would happen, they were 3 steps ahead of me. After turning around for hours, I reached for the light switch and turned the light back on. I wasn't going to sleep anyway so I might aswell just make myself usefull.
I sat down by the keyboard in the corner of my room and plugged in my headphones so I wouldn't keep everyone else awake too. We were asked to write a break up or love song, to write the oposite of what we were feeling now but I haven't gotten past a single line. I wanted to express love for someone who would never love me back but every time it ended up more like a break up song than a love song. I doubted just writing a break up song but I needed a high score on this one and it is well known that I'm not in a relationship.
I tried to come up with something but after an hour my paper was still empty and I got back up to get my phone, I scrolled through instagram for a while and saw many stories from Lia's party but she wasn't on any pictures. And just when I was about to lock my phone again, a notification popped up at the top of my screen.
Lia: can you please come to the front door? I don't want to ring the bell as it's 3am but your light is still on.
I thought about what I could reply and if I should even reply. It was her 21st birthday so chances were highthat she was drunk, just here for a fun time. After a few minutes, I reached for the light switch and turned off the light without replying only to get another text from her seconds later.
Lia: and now you turned off the light Calum: I don't want to talk anymore Lia: you really do sound like the girl wtf Lia: come down please we need to talk Calum: fuck off Lia: I'd rather fuck you
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It sucks and it's short but it's something and I promise the next chapter will be here soon and longer. I just have been very busy, unmotivated and just not in the mood to write.
I'm still going to finish this story, it's just gonna take some time.
