~ Grey Limits

༓》 15 - 𝘈𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵《༓

Say you don't even remember me

My name didn't ring a bell

My name didn't carry the story of a sweet face you yearned to see every morning

Dear number two,

I will shatter your character if I'm sober

I will shatter the power dynamic you put me in

I know you enjoy my weakness and the golden light I put you under

I'm too scared of waking up though

The little minds within mine scream so loud I'm not really here

I will burn all that you love about me if I wake up...or if I stay asleep?

You know if you wanted to make things work then no part of me would have been discarded of

You know if you didn't want to run away because of fear we would have had the patience to make things clear

I know why I'm keeping you even though you're not here

I know why I won't let go

I see you in my dreams in both your shadow and light

you're all black and you're all white

You're all in then you're all gone

Keep me at arm's length then I'll show you how you can still lose me

Who's to stop me from hurting you if no one knows about me?

I love your pain, I want to see you cry, I wanna break you

and I know I'm doing the same to myself too

See, you wouldn't let me  save you until I'm the only one around when you're broken

I'm the only one and I can have you

I will force empathy from you

look at me, please

I'm here, please see me

I know the answer is to choose one who wants me already, sees me already and for love he is ready

All that you are not.

But I can't let go

Can't risk another relapse 

Can't fall into the darkness of fully pulling back

So pleasure and pain

I'm copying the girl you love

I'm the girl you drew

I'm not crazy

I just want to escape reality

Escaping and you're the best at it

Shame I already know you're not the man for me

I know you're nowhere close to the man I seek

You're an idiot, a coward 

You're indecisive and broken

I just want to hurt  you more

You want to dream of my body but you wanna shut the door to the rest of me

I'm not a body and not an essence you can steal

You don't have me

Your fantasies are not real

I wish I could take words out of your mouth the moment you see me

look at me like you love me

tell me "I'm sorry for staring, you're just so beautiful" because I am

Romance me the way I was always ready for

I've been learning to surrender for you baby

But I'm insecure when the rush is gone

It's embarrassing to love you

It's embarrassing to be vulnerable and show you how I change when I'm around you

loving someone who doesn't love me back feels like feeding myself to the wolves 

I feel ashamed like you've caught me naked, wore a blank expression, and left me in silence 

I ain't never leaving this room

I ain't never know how to be around you no more

They told me that you didn't hurt me

that I was already wounded before you saw me

But that only left me alone and empty

Yet again I am wrong! How come?! 

Wrong once for chasing you and twice for getting addicted

I'm chaotic and I fail to see it 

if you judge me that much then know that I see the way you look at her and you're just as full of shit

.mirror.