The October Amaryllis

Chapter 58 - May 20th, 2020 - 6:39 P.M.

Needless to say, the book was so good that I physically felt as if I couldn't put it down. It took me approximately two hours and twenty minutes to finish reading it, and by the time I did, I just sat there with my mouth open, unable to breathe. Sometimes you just read something so relatable that it punches you right in the gut; this was one such case. Another example of music is the album Carrie & Lowell by Sufjan Stevens; trust me, it's worth the listen. My favorite song off that album is Should Have Known Better.

One of my favorite parts of the book would definitely have to be how Callie's (the main character) dissociation is described; it was as if they had scanned my brain and put all of my thoughts into the book despite the book being written before I was even born. Maybe Patricia McCormick is a time traveler herself? I think I'll ask her in a letter, be right back.

"I still remember the day I got the book," Morgan said with a tiny smile while eating his lasagna, and no, it wasn't any good.

"Tell me about it," I replied, curious.

"A year ago, my mom and I were at Goodwill, and while she was distracted looking for clothes for me, I stumbled into the book section. It was actually the first book that caught my eye, and right away, I felt that I should read it, so I asked my mom if she could buy it. We got the book for around two dollars, and I finished it the same day. You never know how much something can change you," he replied emotionally.

That was when I told him about how I sometimes hit myself when upset.

"Listen, I don't cut or burn myself, but sometimes when I'm furious or upset with myself, I hit myself as hard as I can on my leg. I haven't told this to anyone, and I hope you can understand; it's like whenever something bad happens to me, this one voice tells me to hurt myself and that it's the only way things will get better. Do you ever get that?" I asked, rubbing the bruise on my leg where I hit myself.

"All the time, it's almost like that demon on your shoulder that you see in cartoons."

"I have about a thousand voices in my head, and each one is louder than my own," Madelynn replied, sighing.

"Sometimes you gotta tell those voices to just knock it off," I said supportively.

"How do I do that?" Madelynn nearly pleaded.

"Act like nothing matters."

"Hey, don't steal my idea," Morgan replied, laughing.

"Did you put a copyright on the idea? I didn't think so," I replied with a wink.

His jaw dropped after I made that comment. Morgan's eyes were filled to the brim with lividness and looked like they wanted to bury me alive. I kept my gaze steady and intimidated him myself by making Marshall Applewhite eyes. It scared the hell out of him, and he finally gave in.

"I suppose I win?" I asked smugly.

"Just this once," he replied in an annoyed tone, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever," I replied, taking a bite out of the cherry pie they gave us for dessert. Unlike the rest of the meal, the pie was delicious; the cherries were nice and tart just the way I liked them.

While I was eating the pie, I experienced a time skip backward and talked about self-harm all over again. Except this time, I already knew everything that the two would say. This was when I had reached my breaking point, put my head on the table, and wept, startling everybody. To them, my crying out of nowhere must have seemed utterly bizarre.

"Are you okay?" Madelynn asked.

"No, I just want to go home and forget about all of this," I replied, not looking up.

"Don't we all..." she replied with a heavy sigh.

That was when a nurse approached and told me I had a visitor.

Dad...