The October Amaryllis

Chapter 37 - May 19th, 2020 - 2:27 P.M

When I woke up, I felt my body about a thousand times to ensure that all of my limbs were still intact. The nightmare was one of the most realistic things I had ever seen in my life, and a part of me almost wondered if it really was only a nightmare. I honestly felt like I was slowly going insane at that moment; I just felt so hopeless and lost. If I had my phone at that moment, I would have put on Where Is the Love? by The Black Eyed Peas. That song makes me cry my eyes out every time. I mean, don't get me wrong, the group sucks ass, but that one song is great. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I seem okay... so far, anyway. Let's hope something doesn't fall off.

I went to the main room where everyone was sitting down watching some drama movie and went over to them, curious about what could have captivated their attention so much.

"What movie is this?" I asked, pointing at the screen.

"Rain Man, I'm surprised it even lets us watch it. All the other hospitals I went to had parental restrictions. Looks like we got lucky," Madelynn said happily before letting out a massive yawn.

"Antipsychotics?" a girl asked Madelynn, who simply nodded in response.

The more I watched the movie, the more it felt like some special memory was attached to it. It was as if it was important somehow.

Think, think, why is Rain Man important? How could a movie that you've never even seen be important?

That was when the realization hit me that this was the last film that my father had ever watched before dying. He said that it was one of his all-time favorite films and that he watched it all the time when he was in his twenties. He said he related a whole lot to it because he also had a fear of flying. I fear being in cars; I've lost at least three people to car accidents. I swear whenever someone is a rubbish driver, I almost start worrying that I'm going to die. I get the worst shivers throughout my body, and my heart rate goes up about a thousand times. I had this friend once named Peyton, and he would constantly drive at ninety miles an hour. I was so terrified I would die that I prayed to God and asked Him to forgive me of all of my sins. Analee taught me how to pray correctly because I was beyond clueless about it. You might be asking me why I didn't just ask my mom how to do it; it's kind of hard to when she's locked in her room 24/7.

I remember him inviting me to watch it with him and me not feeling up to it and passing up on the opportunity. I should have never said no; if I had accepted his offer, I would not have had all those regrets deep within my heart. I was just going through this phase in my life where I felt no motivation to do anything; it was like I had to force myself to accomplish anything. I know I probably sound whiny, but I wish I didn't waste so much of my life away. It's like mentally, I want to change and be a better person but never actually act on it in real life.

"This is one of my dad's favorite films, by the way," I said, trying to fight back the regrets. That's the thing with missed opportunities in life; some of them only come around once, and then they're permanently gone. Don't waste any opportunities and act as if they are all your last.

"I don't blame him; it's very moving. What is your dad like, anyway?" Madelynn asked, twirling a finger through her hair.

That depends entirely on the timeline; he's both alive and dead at the same exact time. What a paradox... But I can't tell you all that without sounding insane, now can I?

"He's great; he always listens to what you have to say and is really kind. I'm very close to him, and I feel like I'm a younger version of him sometimes," I said with a genuine smile. My father was almost like my best friend in my life.

"That's very sweet. My dad doesn't get me much; it's a terrible feeling when someone doesn't understand you. It's like the only reason we care about people is because we feel like we can relate to them, you know?" she said, shrugging.

"I don't agree entirely with that perspective," I said, half-distracted by the movie at hand. I have severe distraction issues, leading to every task taking five times longer than it should. I swear I can't focus on something for more than a minute; sometimes, I can't even finish a song before putting another one on.

"Why's that?" she asked, pulling off a deep-thinking pose like that Thinker statue.

"Because if that were true, then a lot of marriages wouldn't exist. My parents were, I mean ARE exact opposites in a lot of ways, and yet they're still happy together," I said, having a heart attack after making the mistake. I hoped more than anything that she wouldn't ask me about why I said were; it would have led to some very awkward conversation.

"You know what, you actually have quite a solid point right there. I mean, my parents are co-"

"Group time!" a counselor exclaimed out of nowhere.

"Well, looks like this will have to wait until next time," Madelynn said.

I guess so...