I can't have you

Part 12

~Semi POV~

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I look at the red haired boy. His body is so exhausted from just a little training that he has to support himself by holding onto the net. His whole body is shaking and trembeling, i want to go and help him staying up. He got thin. His skin was always pale but now you can clearly see his bone structure. The face who was usally filled with rosy chubby cheecks was now expired and grey. While changing in the club room, i clearly saw his ribs, does he even eat? His eyebags are horrible, the dark circles around his eyes are huge, which i assume comes from not sleeping at all. The white part of his eye is reddened, did he cry much lately?

I was searching for eyes, for eyes who are as worried about the boy as mine are. I expected them to be Ushijimas but surprisingley they aren't his. Ushijima seems too distracted to notice Tendou even staying here. No, the eyes that are exactly as worried as mine are Shirabus. Actually no surprise, he is a caring person, which is why i ove him so much. 

"You see it too don't you?" After he saw me looking at him with my expression, he came towards me right away.

"I do, but i wish i don't. I'm so worried about him, i know he has a slight problem with panic attacks but that doesn't seem so slightly to me." I let my head fall and i look at the ground. 

I feel a pair of hands cupping my cheecks and making  me look up again. Shirabu put hi shands on my face. I can feel his warmth and i put my right hand on top of his left one. I move deeper into his hands. I really love this guy, he's everyghing to me.

"I know and belive me i'm worried too, but i think we both know what made it so bad and we both know that this is pretty much the only thing we can't help at."

I place my hands on his waist and pull him closer to me. Because i'm taller i bury my face into his hair. It tickels and smells like shampoo.  His arms are now placed softly on my chest. 

"I know" I murr into his hair. He looks up at me with big shiny eyes. He was near to tears which is not usual. I pull him into a tight hug and whisper into his ear. "Don't worry baby, everything's gonna be just fine." I pull out of the hug and give him e peck on the forehead. He points at his lips, "Here too.." I smirk and cup his face in the palm of my hands. I slowly get closer to him and kiss him on the lips. He holds onto my elbows so he doesn't loose his balance and leens into the kiss. I feel his bodywarmth trough his lips and our bodies seem to be one in that moment. Through this kiss we show each other our love. I pull out and look at him with this smile, the smile that is only meant for him. I try to put as much love as possible in my eyes and whisper, "I love you". Shirabus eyes squint as he smiles and gets red, "I love you too my hothead".

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~Tendous POV~

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I can feel my strengh leaving my body, which is now only an empty shell with my fear in it. I tremble, I tremble so damn much i'm scared i might fall. Because of that i hold on to the net beside me. I only jumped a few blocks but my body got so weak, it can't even handle this little pressure anymore. "Damn it..." I actually wanted to yell but my voice broke instead and it just came out as a sad whisper. 

I haven't slept in days and i can't even remember when i last ate something. I got thin and i notice it. My bonestructure is now clearly visible. Because my body got so weak the cuts on my skin won't heal, at least only very slow. I tried to stop i promise, but when i'm alone and not in reality i feel nothing and the only way to solve this problem is to cut in my flesh so i can concentrate on the pain. Everytime i watch the blood flowing down in single blood streams, until the edge of my body, i feel less in a movie and less unreal.