I can't have you

part 8

"You should still be careful."

Ushijima looks up to me from the bench where he was sitting. I'm standing in fornt of him already in my jersey. I try to ignore the fact that he wasn't wearing his jersey and that i can see his naked upper body, which is very well trained just to mention.

"Yeah Yeah don't worry i still bandaged it so it won't get hurt that easily anymore."

He's talking about my foor, which i injured not a long time ago. It healed pretty well and i never really hurted that much. I can train again now and i'm ery thankful. Training always helps me to get my head free from strange thoughts. And ireally need that right now. My head's full of them.

Normally i wouldn't care that Ushi's so worried for me. He was always very careful with me and his friends. Strangeley it moves me more than it used to. It makes me feel kind of special, even if it's just for a moment. 

 I can feel my face getting red and i look away. It starts to annoy me, why am i reacting like this all of a sudden? 

"I'm going! Come if you're done with changing!" 

As i walk away i can feel my cheeks cooling down. But not my heart. It's still racing. Probably because i still picture Ushijima without his jerseey on, sitting on a bench and looking up to me with glowing eyes. 

Why am like this? Everytime Ushi smiles or looks at me, i can't do anything else but get embaressed or blush. Maybe i... NO! NEVER! 

The trainings half trough now. We train in sessions and don't combine attacks and blocks. So because they're training attacks right now, i can relax for 10 mminutes until we switch again. 

Ushijima is preparing for a quick attack wirth Shirabu. I watch them interested. Ushijima is running towards to net and pushes his arms back. He jumps really high. I look at his arms and at the way his muscels flex while hitting the ball. I look at the way his green fluffy hair flows from the jump and at the way his mysterious eyes sparkle inside his focused face... I just want to-- DAMN! Not again, why can't i stop. Maybe i'm physical attached to him? I mean the way he always protects me, maybe i got depended to it?

But still, it's my best friend i'm thinking about and that's gross! I'm gross..

i'm a waste of space..

..A monster..