Bound By Words | Taekook

9. Haunted Goodbyes

T A E H Y U N G

"Tae, wake up!" I heard my mom banging on my door.

I opened my eyes and groggily replied, "I'm up, eomma."

"You better be down in ten, it's unlike you to be late," that I heard my mom make her way down the stairs. That's when I remembered what a dream I had. I started laughing at the absurdity. My mom won't let me take a train to Daegu, how the hell would she allow me to go across the world to meet a boy. But the dream was beautiful nonetheless. Meeting in Paris, as if out of some cliché movie.

Breaking into another smile I walked to the bathroom. I just wished I could remember the boy's face from my dream.

─※ ·❆· ※─

"Mom, did we get any mails?" I asked walking out of the house. It was weird that the letter was almost a day and a half late, it never happened before.

"No, why are you asking?" Mom asked from the kitchen.

"Nothing, just waiting for my pen pal."

"You should ask in the office, the letter must have gotten lost in the mail or something."

─※ ·❆· ※─

"You look a little gloomy today?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"It's nothing Rosé, just my letter hasn't arrived yet," I said as the curly-haired girl picked up a fry from my plate. I didn't bother to seat her away.

"I posted mine back already, he sent me a small bracelet this time. I can't believe I have a bracelet from Australia. So I thought I should give something back too, so I made one with wool and sent it. I am anticipating his reaction." She giggled cheerily.

I was really happy for her, she had bonded with her partner quite well unlike me. I was really afraid for Bunny, my mind kept on drawing scenarios I wasn't ready to handle.

"Hey, you okay?" Rosé asked putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, "You are looking quite pale. Let's go to the nurse's office."

"No it's alright I'm fine. I have got a class to attend." I said hurriedly scrambling off my seat as I walked to the 'world in a nutshell' office.

"Ma'am I'm one of the participants of the pen pal program."

"Oh yes darling, you are the smart one. Kim, right?" She said with a kind smile on her face.

"Yes," I said trying my best to curve my lips into a fake smile, "I wanted to ask about my letter. It's almost a day and a half late, I haven't yet received it. Can you please check into it?"

"Oh yes sure darling, come by before the end of the school. I'll get the information by then."

"Thank you," I say before giving her another tight-lipped smile and making my way towards my next class for the day.

─※ ·❆· ※─

"Hey, you know what I myself will take you to the office. This is too much you are barely paying attention to any class, it's going to reflect on your performance." Rosé said, pulling me along as she made her way through the crowds of students going to their next class.

We enter the office to see the lady behind the counter chatting with her colleagues. Our eyes meet and suddenly her face falls, make my heart rate increase. 'Please let it not be what I imagined.' I desperately prayed.

"Rosé let's come back later, I don't want to talk about it now. Please." I said pulling back at the girl now standing at the desk.

"No, you have been mopping around all day. Just find out what's wrong so that at least you can concentrate in your classes." She said glaring at me. "Ma'am, can we please know about his pen pal's letters? Were they lost in the mail?"

"Mr. Kim," she said looking at me, ignoring the curly-haired girl standing right in front of her. "I'm really sorry."

I just wanted to run at that moment but my body froze.

"Mr. Kim, your pen mate, he committed suicide last Wednesday. I'm really sorry."

I felt my knees give away, and the ground came closer and closer to engulf me into a well-needed embrace. I felt Rosé as tried to support my body. But all I could feel is the ringing in my ears and numbness in my heart. I should have told his parents, his teacher anyone. How stupid was I to think a letter would stop him. It was all my fault.

"Mr. Kim, do you want us to take you to the nurse's office?" Why was everyone asking me to go to the nurse's office? 'I am not sick' I wanted to shout. I'm responsible for a death, a death I could have stopped.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine." I said instead.

"Mr. Kim there was a note left by him. It was addressed to someone called Tiger. That's the only thing he left."

"W-what did i-it say?" I managed to ask. A new batch of tears forming at the back of my eyes. As I got ready to listen to the words of the boy I'd never get to know, a boy I started loving, a boy who lost hope, a boy who was no more.

Dear Tiger,

What is it to live, not for others but yourself? To love myself before anything in the world, to be selfish enough to want to live despite the cruel world. You have given my life the meaning that I never thought it had. I was born again, with not a new skin, but a heart beautiful and strong enough to love myself. And it's all because of you. But still, this world would never understand me, and you are too far away. I can't hold on anymore, I can't stay, but despite all of this I love you...

Yours Bunny.