Heaven Can Wait (High School LS)

The incident

Skip to Monday

I woke up feeling so hungry , but i knew better than to give in,. No one knew but i hadn't been eating for weeks not since i found out my contract for modelling is nearly over and if i want it renewing i need to stay in shape. I felt horrible though i didn't eat and whenever i did i threw it back up, everyone says i've been over exercising and i'm sick of the shit i keep getting from Gina. 

I finish off in the shower before getting out and drying my hair leaving it natural.I applied foundation powder and blush as normal, wanting to be simple i just put on mascara and baby pink lipstick. 

I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans with a blue long sleeved lace crop top, and some white vans.

I grab my bag and walk down stairs shouting "bye" to my dad and Lucy noticing they was in this morning. Then i shout "Tyler c'mon or we'll be late." He comes jogging down the stairs and into the kitchen grabbing a pop tart before we both walk out the door

We walk down the street to meet everyone and as soon as We get there Seth wraps his arms around my waist pulling me close to him and kissing my forehead "you look gorgeous as always" he says with his lips still pressed to my temple. 

I stand hugging him back while we wait for everyone else to arrive.

Finally everyone was here and we start walking.

We arrive at school and go to sit in our classrooms as usual.

We all sit talking for a while until Seth starts hugging me and straight away he pulls away, i look at him confused and upset, smiles pecks my lips. 

What's up?? i think to myself. 

Lunch comes quicker than i'd like no one had really noticed i hadn't been eating because i'd had alot of time off for modeling and then Tyler. I was really worried i know Seth would say something. I don't need food i've been fine without it!! I can't afford to be putting weight on. 

Me Aaron and Tyler go to the queue together as normal and Seth walks over rapping his arms around me from behind with his head in my neck. 

We get to the front of the queue and everyone orders me just getting a bottle of water. Aaron looks at me funny " you not getting anything to eat ?" he says "nah i'm not hungry, i had a bigger breakfast than normal" i say. 

We all sit down at the table and everyone engages into conversation, Seth keeps an arm wrapped around me like he always does, i guess he likes people knowing I'm his.

I lean into him while pecking his cheek, he turns to me and kisses me , i love the feeling i have when i'm around him , i always feel more cheerful and as cliche as it sounds when he's not around i feel as though a part of me is missing. 

"i love you" he says pressing his forehead to mine "i love you to " i say placing a kiss on his nose. 

School flew buy and Me and Seth had decided we was going to go shopping together after school. 

Tyler and Aaron then said they would join us , so we all hoped on the bus waiting to get there. 

We arrived at the mall and all rushed in goofing off. Seth thought it would be funny to pick me up and onto his shoulders and run around as fast as he could. I wouldn't have minded if i was on his back but being on his shoulders was terrifying. He eventually stopped and Aaron and Tyler caught up to us. 

I looked down and he was stood pouting "what?" i asked giggling , he just pointed to his lips , so i learned down and kissed his lips and i heard a camera noise so i looked up to see Aaron took a photo and he showed us (photo to side) before putting it on snapchat with the caption "Anyone? " In a joking matter. 

We carried on goofing around the mall getting shouted at by security a few times. The boys got hungry and we went to the food area, all of them Wanting McDonald's. 

We sat down and they all looked at me seriously " why aren't you having anything?" Aaron said. 

"not hungry" i shrugged. "you didn't eat at lunch though" Seth said. "because i wasn't hungry". 

"you can't still be full from your breakfast Blaze" Aaron states, " what breakfast?" Tyler asks. 

"she told me at dinner she was still full from her breakfast" Aaron says. Thanks Tyler drop me in it mate i think to myself .Then Tyler carries on by saying "she didn't have breakfast" "thats not what she told me" Aaron says, "well she was lying" Tyler states the obvious, they were talking as if i wasn't stood right in front of them.. "guys" She" is stood right here" I say getting annoyed. 

"why haven't you been eating?" Seth sighs. "i have i just haven't been hungry today" 

"you sure that's all?" Tyler asks "yeah" i say wanting the conversation to just end. 

After that we went into a toy shop messing around once again, until i started to feel sick and light headed. Great i think to my self. 

I just  carried on acting normal as if nothing was wrong until. I got a really bad dizzy spell. 

"Blaze? whats wrong? " Seth shouts. "stop shouting my head hurts"i say quietly "I wasn't shouting, i knew you haven't fucking been eating, look what's happened now!" He shouts for real this time. 

People look at us as Seth picks me up telling the other two we was going home. 

When we get home which he carried me the whole way. He sets me down on my bed and says "right don't lie , i want the full truth! When was the last time you ate?" 

i sigh starting to cry as i say " i don't know" 

"it's been that Long!?" he starts crying as well, i instantly start to feel guilty but he wanted the truth do i nodded. "i'm a fucking shit boyfriend, i'm meant to look after you and i didn't even realize you haven't been eating til today" he says barely audible. 

"why?!" he says quickly looking me in the eyes, "what " i ask. 

"why haven't you been eating?" he repeats

" because" i start before bursting into tears, "my modeling contract ends soon and to re new a contract like that you have to be assessed on weight height and all stuff like that, i was scared that if i kept eating like i do , then i wouldn't get another contract, At first it was just because of that but then Gina and some of her other friends called Chloe and Katelyn started calling me fat and ugly making me feel even worst so i started to believe them , so i stopped eating all together and that why i've been exercising so much more. I can't stop i've tried eating but when i do i hate myself afterwards and just go and throw it back up. I can't help it anymore. " i cry into his shoulder as he soothes me rubbing my back and he tenses then relaxes again as i start to pull away but instead he just pulls me back. 

"babe you're perfect the way you are no way on earth would they tell you no to being a model with a body like yours, but as well remember i love you the way you're and Gina and her friends are jealous bitches, don't fucking listen to them and if they carry on then i'll say something to them i promise baby girl you mean everything to me, don't do this to yourself because it breaks my heart to see the girl i love starving herself ! you really don't need to. i would never leave you if you lost your modeling job and i wouldn't leave you if you was 50 stone, i love you for you not your size. "

"why did you just tense up when you were hugging me and why did you pull away when you was hugging me this morning?" i cry, "you hate me don't you" I pull away grabbing my pillow and sobbing into that instead. 

He lifts my chin forcing me to look at him before pulling me in to his lap and he rocks me back and forth telling me to calm down before he says " baby of course i don't hate you, It's just i noticed you was getting skinnier but didn't think anything of it, but when i hugged you this morning and i could feel your ribs and spine i was scared, not of you but of myself, I thought if i hugged you too hard, you'd snap and i was terrified baby that's all. I don't hate you one little bit." 

I sigh before i end up crying myself to sleep in Seth's arms.