Just Say No

It Hurts

  It was late at night by the time that Keigo arrived home. The penthouse was dead quiet, and no smell of cigarette smoke filled the cold lonely air. The young hero took a breath as he went over, and lowered himself onto the sofa. For a moment, he thought about calling his boyfriend or maybe getting some weed from a dealer on the street. 

  No... no, he couldn't do that.

  The last time he'd done that, he'd been locked down in... the chamber... by the president. He leaned back and closed his eyes. 

  'You can't save those kids, Hawks. One day, they'll all either end up like Dabi. Or worse... Like you.' Crooned a voice in Keigo's head. It was that twisted and dark hiss that breathed something cold into his ear. Keigo stood up, shaking his head as he started pacing. 

  "Shut up. They're good kids, and they're gonna all be whatever the hell they want to be. If it's a hero, okay. If it's a villain, okay. If it's a vigilante, cool on them. It's none of my business,"  He retorted. He flinched, hearing his voice crack. Would they really end up like him?... I mean, he was selling the life of a hero to them. What's the actual likelihood of the commission sinking their claws in? A milky black shadow started to surround Keigo. It sort of reminded him of Dark Shadow, but more dangerous. It opened its mouth all filled with razor teeth and gave a laugh. 

  'Poor little Keigo,' It laughed in that hissing voice, 'So very... very stupid. Do you think they'll get anywhere without the commission? The commission controls the rankings. Without the president's help, they won't even get close.' 

Keigo shook his head, storming off to his bedroom, "Just shut up. They're strong kids. They can make it." He sat down on his huge bed and covered his ears like a child. He was shaking... When did he start shaking? It hurt to breathe... 

'Their motives won't matter in the end, and you know that. You've just trapped them, Keigo. Don't you think that they deserve to know the truth? Don't you think everyone deserves to know the truth? That's right, you're just a little lier. A stupid little puppet,' The creature's voice echoed around in his head, laughing and laughing. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself into an uneasy sleep. 

~

When he opened his eyes next, he was still in his house. All alone just as he had been, but everything just seemed... off... When he had first gotten the penthouse, he'd painted feathers and birds all over the walls, including a huge bird right at the head of his bed. Every single painting was gone. It looked like they hadn't even been there in the first place. The floor that had previously been strewn about with a few clothes and some stray feathers was perfectly clean. Oh, that's not even mentioning that the entire room was in tones of black and white. 

  Keigo shook his head and got up, starting to wander around the house. Nothing looked out of place within the rest of the house... all except for the pictures of him. In all of the pictures he had, be they of him with Rumi and their friends, him with President Gaelen, him with Eito, or him as Asuka with his mother, they all had an eerie doll that version of him in his place. He shivered uncomfortably, feeling the glass eyes following him around the room. 

 In the middle of the living room was a smashed porcelain doll with snow-white hair wearing a kimono as blue as Dabi's flames. He gasped softly, kneeling by it and picking up a piece of the porcelain, a bright golden eye starring back at him. Tears started to well up. 

  "Hotaru?..." He asked quietly, his heart aching. He knew that doll... that was... Asuka's doll. His doll... Other than the Endeavor plushie, she was one of the few toys that his mother ever bought for him. He could almost hear Asuka's voice in the distance calling out through little choked sobs. 

  "My baby... who hurt my baby? Did I do that? I didn't mean to... please don't tell Mommy," She hiccuped, slowly, it changed to the voice of a much older girl, maybe twelve or thirteen. The doll in Keigo's hands turned into a ripped and torn plush. Fluff littered the floor, and in the young man's hand sat a little plastic crystal blue eye, "Please don't tell Handler Gaelan that I did bad... she took our Endeavor, she put Eito-Kun in the chamber. I don't want to go into the chamber. Please! I have to be good, I have to!" 

Keigo gasped, dropping the plastic eye and making a break for his room. He practically dove into the bed, holding a pillow over his head to drown out Asuka's cries about the chamber. 

He didn't want to hear about that place.

No... no, they wouldn't send him there, right?

Right? 

He was a good, good hero. He- he'd gotten Ms. Gaelen that promotion. They wouldn't send him there, right? 

RIGHT?!

~

Keigo jolted awake in a cold sweat, tears running down his cheeks. Blankets and pillows were strewn across the floor, and an Endeavor body pillow that Dabi had stolen for him was halfway across the room. It smelled like Dabi. It was a gift from his Dabi. Why was it on the floor? Why was he crying? Why couldn't he breathe?

In a panic, he groped around in the dark for his phone. He was about to call Rumi or Maybe Dabi or Jin or Endeavor or Shiggy or- or- or-

  'You shouldn't bother them with your stupid problems. Look at you, crying over a nightmare like a little baby. They have lives outside of you, you know. They need time for their own mental health too. You don't even deserve that stupid body pillow or any other gift from Dabi. He deserves better than you. They all do.' 

Keigo cried into his pillow, trying to drown out the monster's words. They mingled with the sound of Asuka's cries that still echoed in his head from his dreams. The deafening cacophony rang out all around him, drowning out any other thought. 

'You know how to make this all stop, Keigo, or can you not even do that right?' 

The creature started to laugh, entwining Keigo in its dark body. Keigo was sobbing as he made his way into the en-suite bathroom. His breathing was heavy as he grabbed a needle from the cabinet, starting to roughly scratch at his arms till thin puffy lines started forming. 

It wasn't enough... this used to be enough. WHY THE HELL WASN'T IT ENOUGH?! 

He plucked a feather from one of his wings, hardening it. He started to slice at his arm along the lines he'd already made. With each slice, it got easier to breathe. With each slice, the hissing voice and the distant cries started to grow quieter and quieter. 

He couldn't stop now. 

If he didn't do this, he'd bother all of his friends again, and they would leave him. Not that he didn't deserve to be left. Not that he didn't deserve to be hated. Just a little more. Just a little more. He kept cutting and cutting till his arm was bathed in red, and he was so dizzy that he could barely stand on his feet. It was better this way. It didn't hurt so much inside anymore... it was... 

No.

No, it wasn't better at all... 

They couldn't know. They couldn't find out or they would see him as weak. Everyone would see him as weak, and no one would love him. They couldn't... 

  Keigo sunk to his knees against the carpet. He was so tired again... so tired... so- 

So numb...

Everything suddenly faded to black as Keigo collapsed against the bathtub, a sad smile on his face. He didn't hear the knocking on his front door or the sound of Enji calling his name.