Euphoria | Sapnap

nineteen

Ashlyn POV.

"Hi chat!"

I'm sitting slightly to the side of Sapnap's desk as he talks into the mic. I could see a fast scrolling chat on one of his monitors, there were so many usernames and messages that I couldn't focus on one in particular. Watching him reading and thinking about the messages amazed me, I found it hard trying to read just one of them.

He had his camera on and it was recording his every move, he looked somewhat nervous as he was being cautious with what he was doing. He greeted his audience with a large smile spread on his face, it didn't feel real but it was convincing nevertheless.

"Just a chill stream today chat, ask me some questions." His eyes were still scanning the chat to the left of him.

He was showing me through his Twitch account and various other softwares that he uses to make the streams possible. When he was finished he told me he wanted to go live and chat to his viewers for a bit, he didn't mention if he wanted it to be known that I was here so I haven't bothered to make any noise.

"Where are George and Clay?" He pauses, looks down to his phone that was out of shot and continues, "they're busy."

He continues to answer questions for his chat and I manage to glance at the screen a few times. I noticed the phrase "you look distracted" come up a few times, I wasn't sure if he had also seen this or if he'd address it.

"Chat I want you to meet someone." Sapnap surprises me by saying.

My mouth falls open, I was shocked that he'd want me to be in his stream.

His eyes lock to mine and he gives me an encouraging nod, motioning his hand next to him. I clear my throat and run my fingers through my hair to make it seem more presentable. Before I move into view of the camera I look to chat once more, I could see people freaking out. I then lock eyes with the viewer count, it was 150,000 people.

Fuck. That's a lot of people.

Nerves start to pulse through my body and I felt very anxious, I wanted to say hi to them but I was frightened. They were here to watch Sapnap, they wouldn't want that to be ruined by a stranger they had never seen before. I'd never been in a situation like this before, at the hands of thousands of people assessing me and potentially judging me.

I unclasp my clammy hands and place them either side of my chair, lifting myself off and moving it next to Sapnap. He gives me a gentle smile, once again reassuring me it's okay.

Seconds before I am in view of the camera and seated next to Sapnap I take a long deep breath.

"Hi chat!" I copy Sapnap's greeting, giving the camera a smile.

There was a long pause of silence as both Sapnap and I read through the audiences responses. I wasn't surprised by the comments, that were mainly filled with questions asking who I am.

There were a few messages that stuck out to me.

"she's with him for the money"

"ugly"

"come on sap you can do better"

I was annoyed at myself and my ability to ignore every good and genuine message, instead focussing on the hate comments.

"This is Ashlyn, I know you guys won't have a clue who she is, but you might be seeing more of her on here." Sapnap explains into the camera, occasionally looking in my direction.

I didn't know how to feel, I was sad at the few hurtful messages I was seeing but hearing Sapnap say that I might be on here again made me smile. He had hope that I'd want to stream with him again, which made me have hope that this wasn't all just some joke to him and I actually mean something to him.

"I'm excited to meet you guys!" I give them another smile.

Sapnap continues to answer some questions, I don't pay much attention to the camera as I stare at the fast moving chat. They were repeatedly asking if we were dating or just general questions about me, which Sapnap would ignore.

I feel my phone vibrate from my pocket, I look to Sapnap silently asking for approval to check my phone. He nods, I slide my chair so it was no longer in view of the camera and take my phone out of my pocket.

Twitter: you have 500 new followers and 120 new messages

Instagram: @sapnapmybeloved and 342 others have recently followed you

What? At first I begin to panic, thinking that my account had been hacked and they were following random people. When I unlock my phone and click onto Twitter I'm proven wrong, instead my account was going crazy and I was constantly receiving notifications.

Still not quite sure what was happening I go to Instagram, only to find the same thing, this time I was receiving hundreds of comments on my recent pictures.

My mind was blown, how did his viewers who only knew my name manage to find me on these socials. I wasn't even following Sapnap on either of these apps.

"Sapnap they're crazy!" I let out a nervous laugh, turning my phone so that he could witness the surge of notifications coming through my phone.

"I swear you guys are better than the FBI, how the fuck did you find Ashlyn's accounts." He laughs into the mic.

He grabs my phone from out of my hand and starts to read through some of the comments on my Instagram. I see his face become slightly red and his eyebrows knit together, he looked angry.

"Can a content creator not have anything nice, without you guys tearing it down?" His eyes scan over the chat.

"What's wrong?" I was unaware why his mood suddenly changed.

"It's just some comments, I've blocked them for you." He hands me back my phone, his hand lingers on mine.

Clearly the few messages I saw in his chat earlier won't be the only hurtful messages I'll receive whilst knowing him. Now that my phone was back in my possession I click back onto Twitter and see I have follows from George, Clay and Punz.

@georgenotfound: When your fans find your friends account before you, I'm questioning how genuine you are @ashlynthompsonx

I let out a small laugh at George's tweet, I like it and reply a short sorry. I'd never been one to use Twitter much, only to keep up to date with news and what was trending, that's why I was surprised that they manage to find my account.

My Instagram was different, I liked to showcase my photography on there, along with occasional pictures of me. They still must've searched at least a hundred accounts just to find mine, although I had 1k followers I didn't exactly make it known the account was mine.

While I'm scrolling through the ongoing notifications I seem to be getting, I still feel the presence of Sapnap's hand in mine. He was talking to his stream, glancing to his side at me every few minutes. It was comforting having him hold my hand like this, he didn't show affection a lot but when he did it felt special.

It wasn't long before he started to receive a call through what he had explained to me earlier as discord. I assumed by the all caps messages in chat that it was Clay and George calling him, I couldn't hear as Sapnap had his headphones connected.

"Okay, sure." I hear Sapnap say. "Just give me one second."

He clicks a key on his keyboard and the screen where his camera was once showing, now had a drawing of what looked like an anime character. He removes his headset from around his head and turns to look at me.

"They want to play some games, did you want me to take you home?" He asks me.

"Do you want me to leave then?" I was enjoying this time with him, I don't get to see him having fun often.

"I don't want you to get bored." He shrugs.

"Let me play with you then?"

He looks shocked at my suggestion, he didn't seem used to people actually taking an interest in what he likes doing. He smiles at me, bringing his hand up to my face, he starts to move his body closer to mine. I knew what he was trying to do and it made me smile at him, I finally felt like we were progressing in our relationship as his lips connect with mine.

"Okay." He smiles.