Trust Me

Chapter 13

I was staring at myself in the mirror, I hated how I looked now, someone knocked on the door.
Sam said" Zad, are you okay?"
I said" Yeah, um... I'll be out in a minute."
" Are you okay?" He twisted the knob, I held up my hand, the lock locked," Zad,
Open the door."
" Uh, I'll-" I tripped," Eeh! I'll be out in a minute." I pulled my shirt, the door opened, I huffed," Hey!"
" What were you doing?"
" A very bad habit. Let's go." I walked out of the bathroom, he followed behind me, then his hand grabbed my side and he spun me around to face him.
" What were you doing, Zad?" I stared at him,
" I don't like my body... it's broken and ugly, and-" He kissed me, I kissed back immediately, he slowly pulled away and held my face in his hand.
" You, Zad, are not broken or ugly."
" Do you not see the huge scars on my back? Those are ugly, Sam."
" I think they're amazing. Definitely not ugly, Zad, you're beautiful. Come'er." He led me to the bed," Lay on your stomach, baby boy." I laid on my stomach,
" This is stupid, Sam, let's go meet Dean at the bar."
" After this." He straddled my lower back, very lower back,
" Sam, what're you doing?"
" Shh." He leaned down and kissed the back of my neck, slowly, trailing down even slower.
" Saam..."
" Mm, shh..." I tensed up as he kissed over the scars, he kissed lightly along the scars, around them. I gasped," You're so beautiful, Zad, okay? I know you don't see it, but I do. I see you, Zad, for exactly who you are." He kissed the scars again, I whined," Don't lock yourself in the bathroom, anymore, okay?" His tongue glided along the scars, kissing sloppily around them." Come to me when you're feeling insecure, okay?" I gasped, sighing, my eyes squeezed shut. Then I felt his breathe on my ear," Let's go."

We got to the bar, Dean was already flirting with a woman, Sam and I walked up to him.
Dean said" Finally, you two. What took you so long?"
Sam said" Zad was feeling insecure. We had a talk." He looked at me, I shivered immediately,
" A talk, huh?"
" Yeah, get your mind out of the gutter."
" Zadkiel, did you two just talk?"
I said" Yeah, we did. Just talk." I sighed, trying to get past the thoughts of Sam kissing my scars.

I've made $759 bucks and damn am I proud, I smirked as Dean scoffed, counting the money again. I wobbled, Sam wrapped his arms around,
He said" Whoa, whoa, Zad." I laughed, letting the room sway," Okay, you're cut off. No more drinks."
I said" I-I can hold my beer better..." I laughed," Than either of you." I coughed, gripping Sam's arm,
" Yeah, and how many tequila shots have you had?"
" Th-Thirty... Five?"
Dean said" I swear, he's only alive because he's an angel."
Sam said" Definitely. Okay, you know what, he's hustled enough, he's way too drunk to hustle anymore."
I said" I'm fine."
" No, you're not. You're gonna be puking your brains out in the morning."
" Nooo..."
" Yes. How many vodka shots?"
" Fifty... Six."
" How are you standing right now?"
" Not really sure." He scoffed then lifted me up, my legs wrapped around his waist, and my arms draped around his neck. He sighed,
" Wanna go back to the motel?"
" Mm-hmm."
" Dean-"
Dean said" Go ahead... I've got someone waiting for me."
" Whatever. See you in the morning."
" Yeah, uh, have fun."
" Shuddup." Sam started walking away, my head slumped against his shoulder.

We got back to the motel room, I kissed Sam, deepening the kiss, he hummed against my lips then pulled away.
He said" We're going to bed. You're sleeping off the alcohol."
I mumbled" 'M fine."
" Zad, you had 6 beers, 35 shots of tequila and 56 shots of vodka. You should be blacked out by now, you would be if you were human."
" Whatever." He chuckled and kissed me lightly, pulling away before I could deepen the kiss.
" Wanna cuddle?"
" Yes." He put me down, then took off his shirt," You're hot." He scoffed,
" And you're so soft when you're drunk as hell." He pulled off my shirt then unbuttoned my jeans," And if you remember any of this tomorrow, you're gonna kick my ass. Zad, baby, what do you really feel about yourself?"

Sam's POV
I just asked a question sober Zad would never answer, I wanna know if drunk Zad would.
He said" I-I always let people down, or... or they get hurt... killed. I-I'm never gonna be good, I know... know that. I-I hate myself, I-I... feel... feel so worthless and useless... I-I never... I never liked Heaven, but it... it was home, then Michael... he-he cast me out, I-I fell, and... it just, made everything... worse! I loved my... my human family, but... they're dead because of me. I-I hate myself so much... so much, and sometimes.. I just-just I wanna die." I hugged him, he sobbed into my chest, I got onto the bed and held him in my arms. I kissed his head, I knew there was nothing I could say to change his opinion about himself, all I could do was comfort him.
———
I woke up Zad puking, I sat up and saw the bathroom door wide open and Zad ovee the toilet.
I said" I'm coming." I got up and walked to him, I crouched down," You remember anything from last night?"
He groaned" Blacked out after the 30th vodka shot... what'd I do?"
" Bore your soul."
" Oh, great..." He gagged and puked again, I rubbed his back,
" Don't worry, it was only me. Dean didn't hear any of your sobs."
" Shut up. What'd I say?"
" That you hate yourself, feel useless and worthless, sometimes you wanna just die." He groaned," I'm here, okay? I'm here for you whenever you need me, Zadkiel."
" I know you are, Sam. I can't feel my legs, help." I laughed," And don't laugh at your hungover boyfriend."
" You're the one who thought that the tequila and vodka shots were a good idea to get some cash."
" They were. How much did I make?"
" $759."
" Cool. Give me my money." I chuckled and helped him up, getting him back onto the bed. He flopped against the bed, spreading out, I rolled my eyes and grabbed the wad of cash from my pocket, I threw it at him. He caught it and looked at it, he smiled," Suck it, sore loser." I smirked then got on top of him, he gasped, my lips trailed down his neck, then chest, I sucked at his right nipple. He moaned," Didn't mean it!" I smiled and leaned my forehead against his," You're such a mean ass!"
" I know. I live for it. Your breathe stinks."
" Yeah, I just hurled up everything in my stomach."
" Go brush your teeth." He hummed then pushed me off, I chuckled as he scurried to the bathroom. The door opened and Dean came in,
He said" How was your night?"
" We went to bed, cuddled all night."
Zad said" Yeah! Without your snoring!" I chuckled,
Dean said" I hate that kid."
" Yeah, yeah." Then gibberish, then him spitting," But you love me!"
" Says who?"
" Says me." Dean chuckled and Zad walked out of the bathroom, he smiled then tackled me back onto the bed, straddling my chest." Hi, Sam." He leaned down and kissed me, I kissed back immediately, holding his face.
" All right! Hormones get off Sam." Zad pulled away, I was panting slightly, he smirked. Oh, no.
" Get Sam off? I can do that." His eyes glowed," In seconds."
I said" Zad, baby..."
Dean said" Okay!" Zad smiled, laughing and got off me, I smiled, and sat down, I kissed Zad's shoulder." I don't wanna see him doing anything, so keep that stuff to alone time."
Zad said" Fine!" He laughed, and laid his head on my shoulder, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him flush against me. I nipped his ear, he shivered and cuddled into me.