Second Chances || Saiouma

Chapter 11

Kokichi stood wide-eyed on the wet pavement of the alleyway, his hand raised to his mouth in a silent gasp, unmoving. Shuichi pulled in a deep breath and let it out shakily, eyes glued on Kokichi, his heart beating out of his chest. The adrenaline that had been pumping through him mellowed out into a cold dreadful feeling, as realization fell upon him.

He just kissed Kokichi.

He doesn't want to think about why he did it, and he doesn't want to think about what that means for him. The only thought his panicked brain could entertain at the moment is how Kokichi is going to react.

Kokichi had seemingly frozen, a heavy silence hung in the air. Shuichi would do anything to know what was running through his head. But just as quick as ever, Kokichi's face fell flat and his hand moved to scratch the back of his head, breaking the tense moment as he cleared his throat.

"Uh, maybe we should get going. It's really dark out and it's starting to get a bit chilly," Kokichi finally spoke. His eyes shifted uneasily to the side, playing with the hem on his pant pocket.

That's it? That's all he's going to say? No yelling, no huge outburst. Shuichi doesn't know if he should be relieved or concerned. "Yeah right," Shuichi stuttered out nervously. If Kokichi wasn't going to talk about it, he sure as hell wasn't. "I'll get us a cab."

Shuichi fumbled with his phone, almost dropping it on the ground due to his shaking hands. "It looks like there's a driver nearby, so they should be here soon."

"Right, cool," Kokichi hissed in through his clenched teeth, shrugging his shoulders, gently kicking a pebble with his shoe. Kokichi glanced up at him before quickly averting his vision back to the ground and pushing off on the ball of his foot to leave the alleyway.

Shuichi walked behind him out onto the street corner, where Kokichi propped his back up against a street light, staring off into the distance. His face was calm and his posture relaxed, but Shuichi knows better now than to believe he was ok.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Kokichi asked with a smile, but Shuichi could tell it was strained.

Kokichi always does this after something happens, he goes back to acting like everything is normal and then avoids the subject like it's the plague. Which makes Shuichi the one who always has to bring it up, but right now he doesn't want to. He almost wishes Kokichi would have just got mad at him, maybe it would have made things easier. The only thing Shuichi is absolutely sure of is that he's never felt more confused in his life.

"Surprisingly I had a lot of fun, but we're going to have to explain ourselves to Miu tomorrow at the party." Kokichi let out an awkward laugh that tapered off into a low sigh, making Shuichi inwardly cringe at himself.

He desperately wishes he could talk to someone. With all these thoughts in his head, he needs two brains right now. He doesn't want to bother Kaito or Maki, and if he calls Kaede he would feel too bad for waking her up this later. The one person he would usually talk to, he can't. Over the time he'd been living with Kokichi, he'd slowly started to confined in every thought he had with him. It got to the point where, if he had a thought or a topic he was passionate about, he would just blurt it out and Kokichi would listen. He hadn't even realized how dependent he'd become on Kokichi as a friend. Had he just potentially ruined that?

Time felt like it was moving unusually slow, as they drove to the apartment. Shuichi kept his head leaned back and tried to keep his mind clear, focusing on the way trees blurred past him. Kokichi hadn't said anything else since they left, he stuck to the window, body angled away from Shuichi, his head resting on his hand. Shuichi didn't want to worry right now he just wanted to sleep, and maybe when he wakes up he'll have all the answers he needs.