Spirit - Bungo Stray Dogs Fanfiction - Atsushi Love Story - 1215

Episode 9

I guess this time around, I couldn't hide the dread I felt inside while I was at work. Luckily, I was sent out almost immediately on a mission with Ranpo.

We took a ten minute train out to a smaller town, and worked on a homicide case for the day. Ranpo didn't make it obvious he could tell, but I knew he knew anyways - he knew the second he laid eyes on me - he knew before I even walked into the office.

I admired Ranpo, I always had. I wanted to be like him one day. But... that intuition he had, that deduction that wasn't even a real ability but seemed like it was anyways, it scared me. Because he knew all about the temper I had, the same as my mothers, and he knew when I was upset and I didn't ever have to tell him.

That wasn't exactly the scary part, though. The scary part was that he acted like he didn't know, he acted like a child but he probably never had been a child.

I hummed as I actually considered it.

Ranpo, he acts childish even though he's really smart, and he really is his age. He's kind but he's rude... and everyone likes Ranpo. Everyone respects and looks up to Ranpo for good reasons. He's a good person even if he steals candy from children, and everyone can see that. So why do I keep doubting that people will do the same for me?

On the way back home, I was quiet.

The mission was over, and I hardly got any sleep the night before after what happened at my parents house. Ranpo just sat there, probably thinking of what he wanted the most when he got home, because you can't eat on the train.

Suddenly, his eyes were on me, who was just staring blankly out the window of the train.

"Ayame." He spoke, "What happened?"

I sighed, "I... fought with my mom."

Which, that wasn't really what I would call it, but it was the only way I could make him understand.

"Is that all you're upset about?"

"No." I replied, deciding to be honest with myself, "I just..."

He hummed in encouragement, letting me know he was listening, and my eyes fell from the window to my lap.

"I just wish someone would love me back."

-

"Ayame!" Kunikida called, yelling like an idiot at 8am,

"There's an extremist that's been causing issue's in front of shrines, bothering pedestrians and threatening the local police with violence. Apparently the higher police authorities are too busy to send out someone to defuse the situation. They don't know what weapons he might have on hand."

"Alright." I sighed, standing, "Current location?"

"I'll send it to you."

My phone buzzed and I picked it up to glance at it. Shutting the phone off, I turned to give a lazy salute to Kunikida, "I'll be back soon."

"Try to avoid destruction of property!"

"Come on," I smirked, "When have I ever left behind a mess?"

He paused, then exhaled as he pushed up his glasses, "Very well."

As the office door shut behind me, I wondered if he could see it too. I felt like I was seventeen again, when my smile couldn't meet my eyes even if I tried. My mother was neglecting me at the time, even over my birthday. I got the gift she bought in the bag she bought it in, even with the receipt, and I made my own cake. It was like it wasn't actually my birthday at all.

I groaned silently to myself as I stood at the street corner right outside of the office building, why am I thinking of all this now?

"Ayame-san!"

I froze slightly, turning to see Atsushi, "You forgot this."

"Oh." I blinked, grabbing on to my wallet, "Thanks?"

"Dazai said you would need it. You always carry it with you incase Ranpo asks you for something while you're out. He said you always get upset when you forget it because every time you forget it you find something you want to buy."

I blushed slightly, because what the hell- that was spot on, "Yeah. Thanks, Atsushi-kun."

"I asked Kunikida if I could shadow you, actually." He admitted, making my jaw harden.

I glanced at his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. We were the same height, but he maybe had a centimeter or so on me. His hair looked really soft, and his lips seemed smooth.

"I don't usually let people come with me when I go to deal with violence." I told him.

He nodded, "Kunikida said the same. He said you don't like when people watch you fight. To be honest, it makes me curious. I want to see you in action!"

If you saw me let out my anger when I fought, if you saw me grin when I won, because my ability helps me come out unscathed even when being shot at at point blank range... will you still be excitedly curious?

Should I just let him come? Just to see if he'll accept that part of me as it is?

"He said I could ask if I really wanted to. Dazai said, that you get pretty aggressive, but so do I. Fighting is brutal in itself."

"Atsushi." I whispered, and he silenced, looking at me expectantly.

I didn't have anything else to say, though, I just wanted to say his name. I liked his name, and I loved his eyes.

Last night, after I said those horrifyingly honest words to Ranpo, he asked me after the longest moment of silence I've ever suffered through what it is that I wanted. Who it is that I really wanted to love me back.

"Atsushi."

"Why?"

"He's... kind. He's understanding."

"You've been avoiding being anything other than a sweet older co-worker who spoils her kouhai's with Kenji. Now you're doing it with Atsushi and Kyouka too. If you think he's understanding, are you going to even consider giving him the chance to understand you?"

"Uh... Ayame? What is it?"

I can't change the family I was born into. I can't change the personality I developed from it. I can't change the future, even though I wish I could just manipulate it in the slightest. I can't change the fact that I'm afraid of people looking down on me.

I can't change that the love I wish for is a love so many people might not understand. But I... I can learn to understand that I'm deserving of someone who loves me for all that I am. Someone who'll make me happy. I'm deserving of all the things I think I'm not deserving of, all the things I think I won't be able to find.

I don't have to settle for less than what I want. And in understanding that, I can form new opportunities for myself, and eventually find myself living out my one true dream. To mutually, together as if we're connected, fall in love with each other together.

"Okay."

"Huh?"

"You can come shadow me, Atsushi."

"Really?!" His eyes lit up with excitement and I think my smile met my eyes that time.

"Come on then." I turned, heading down the street, he quickly turned to catch up with me,

"Make sure to be on your guard, and be careful of stray bullets. Extremists are totally different from gang members."

"How so, exactly?"

"Well... you kind of have to see for yourself. Just be careful, these people are really good at getting under your skin, and they're pretty hypocritical."

I paused for a moment, "Also, Atsushi, why did you want to come with me?"

He jumped slightly, fiddling with his thumbs as he blushed, "W-well, I was mostly afraid of whatever prank Dazai might pull next, and Kunikida might have made me do some crazy creepy job because I'm new... and well, I like hanging out with you."

"I see." I mused, my heart warmed, "Well, I like hanging out with you too, Atsushi."