KAHAPON (BxB)

Chapter 48

Anger

Maagang sumibol ang araw. Kanina pa'y hinihintay ko na ang pagsinag nito. Hinihintay na lumiwanag ang paligid.

My mind wouldn't rest. Tila ako'y nakakulong sa diwa ng tanikala, paulit ulit na tumatakbo sa isang malawak na kawalan. Paulit ulit na tumatakbo palayo sa katotohanan.

Loving him is like a losing game. You will lost drifting aimlessly at the void. You don't know what to do. You don't know what to feel. You are somehow trap in a wrecked cell.

One day you will wake up and reality will confront you. One day you'll wake up and reality will make you realize that all those fairytales in your mind are just mere utopic that it will never exist no matter what.

That you will be lost at the scenery and you will no longer know how to smile that you will no longer know how to put back those fragile debris scattered.

I know this isn't just Chan and Sasha having their plans. I know this isn't about Chan's hatred. I know this is something beyond that. That people will kill if they see us together. That no matter what we will never be accepted. That no matter what, they will never understand.

If this is a dream I pray to the goddess that I will wake up one day and that phantom in my mind and soul will cease inside. I pray to the goddess or whoever that grants prayer to make me forget.

I will only make his heart go evil. I will only make him mesirable. I will only destroy him. I am his own poison and I can't afford to be his own downfall.

Ilang luha ang malayang naglakbay mula sa mga mata kong ngayo'y di ko na alam kung ilang luha ang ibinuhos.

Tears are useless they come too freely.

"Are you ready?" Sasha's voice welcomed me.

Pareho naming pinagmamasdan ang mga sarili sa malawak na salamin. I couldn't help but feel pity for myself. My eyes now visibly tired. Halos hindi ko na matandaan kung ano pa ang lasa ng totoong pagkain. I couldn't even afford to eat after that shame I had been. At ngayo'y inipon ko na ang lahat ng lakas ng loob ko. I'm ready to face everyone. I'm ready to face those people who already had their opinion but I don't care hindi sila ang iniisip ko ngayon.

My mind wouldn't stop as it confronts me. Am I even ready to face him?

Hindi ko alam. Lahat ng sistema ko'y nagwawala na. I miss him so bad and I want him back but I don't think if it's something that easy to do now and I don't think if he'll look at me the same way again.

I know Titan and I didn't do anything wrong. Sasha already told me everything. Malinis man ang konsensya ko'y hindi ko alam kung sasapat ba iyon upang harapin siya. I don't even know if he will buy that reason.

"Handa na ang sasakyan! Follow me when you're ready!" tugon ni Sasha sa akin.

"I hope you are!" she added making me look at her at slow phase.

Bakas ko ang malungkot niyang mata na tila ngayon ko lang nasilayan ang awa na nananalaytay sa kanya.

Tumango ako roon. I had fixed my hair now. Naka silky polo lang ako at ang pang opisinang slux na pinabili ko kay Sasha. Kailangan kong makabalik na sa trabaho bago pa mahuli ang lahat. I needed to know what's happening inside Black Mountain.