My love life

I asked..."Do you love me?"

So not long ago, I had asked if he loved me or not.

He said "Yeah, I like you too!!" 

When I'm telling you guys this...My face when he said that...

I literally wanted to cry when he said this...

I was literally heartbroken by this....Because he made it feel like he loves me with all his heart, with everything...and in reality he didn't.

I had to deal with that.

People, Imma be hella honest right now.

When you say something, and you say "I mean it..." Mean it. don't pull the "Nahh whore I never loved you..." shit on me, because I want you to mean it. I don't wanna lose you. If I never had you in first place then...You just fucked up my feelings...You fucked me up.

I have been hurt so so many times...I fucking give up in relationships for that exact reason. I try not to show my pain because then I'm the "attention seeker" and I don't even look for that, I just want someone to love me the way I do..

Everyone I know always assumes "I'm ok" or "I'm fine" or "I don't care" but really, I'm not okay, I'm not fine, and I do care, I care too much that it hurts me to see the ones I truly love walk out my life...I miss them. They don't care for me.

Imagine wasting 3 years and 18 fucking days loving and caring and liking and supporting a guy who just wanted my body....

Yeah, I know, Crazy right? I dated the boy for 18 days, and loved, cared, liked him for 3 years. 3 FUCKING YEARS WASTED!!!

I always asked myself? Is it the way I looked? is it the way I talk? I fucking panicked throughout the whole relationship wondering how he can be active and not talk to me...I had so many thoughts in as to why wasn't I the girl he wanted....why did he have to go to my friends....or ex-friend now...

Virgin my ass. 

You could've waited for me to have time to go to your crib and hang out to go on our dates  but no, he decided to go and fuck someone else who happened to be my best best best friend...not no more..

I honestly hate guys who can't keep their dicks in their pants!!!

He lost his trust, respect, his care from me. He lost everything from me.

Im so miserable but I pretend like im okay.