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everyone sat in silence as a numb, dissatisfied emotion ran through everyone present.
some of us couldn't even touch the plate of food placed in front of us due to the unsanitary scene we all witnessed.
after killing titans for hours on end, the images can mess with our minds, causing us to not even be able to be in the same room as food- all out of pure disgust.
"excuse me." armin weakly says, standing up from his seat and walking away with wide-eyes.
jean repeats this action, getting up quickly and speed-walking to what i predict is his room.
the tray of food i brought to the table was barely touched. i stared at the steam oozing out of the clearly hot meal, watching it disappear into nothingness.
i started to bounce my leg a bit, anxiously trying to pick my chop-sticks up and dig in- but i just couldn't.
i felt so tired, baffled, nauseous. food was just something i wouldn't be able to consume at the moment.
"excuse me." i finally say, walking out of the now half-empty cafeteria.
once i stepped out, i nearly fell to my knees if it weren't for the fence that was next to me, keeping me at balance.
the aftermath of blood gushing crazily all around you can leave mental damage. though some of the fighters seemed unfazed- i can tell by their eyes that they're just as scarred as the rest of us.
"y/n."
i slowly turn at the sound of my name, my eyes slightly widening at who was standing there.
"let me walk you back."
"eren?"
"sorry.. you were probably hoping i'd be mikasa.."
a slim flashback of what he had told me a couple days before flooded my brain, his words once more being left of repeat.
"promise me."
"promise me you'll protect her."
"no no, i'm fine."
"y/n.. your grip on that fence shows me everything i need to know. come on, let me help you."
i slightly drop my head, letting out a sigh of defeat. "ok.."
he somewhat cautiously approached me, bringing my arm around his neck while his vacant arm wrapped around my torso.
"today was a pretty rough day.." i hear him whisper, most likely to himself.
the awkward silence hit immediately, ruining my star-gazing experience.
i decided to go to the sky to try and distract myself from this uncomfortable situation, but even the sky couldn't help me.
'damn it.'
"y/n?"
'here we go..'
"yeah."
"you probably don't want to talk about this.. but i wanted to apologize."
i couldn't allow this conversation to last until we reached my room, so i stopped dead in my tracks, gripping his shoulder in an attempt to stop him as well.
"continue."
the nausea was still there, but i forgot about it as the conversation grew.
there he stood, eren yeager, apologizing to me about the foolishness he was spewing to me in the mere past.
"honestly eren.." i say, cutting him off.
"i've thought about what you said."
he stood there, clearly not knowing how to take in this information.
"you have?"
"it's not like your wrong."
i shift my gaze from his eyes to the sky, hoping that the familiar atmosphere could somewhat distract me from his facial expressions.
"there could be a day where.. i won't be able to save her."
the words scratched at the throat, barely able to combine itself into a full sentence.
accepting that fact and saying it out loud is way different then just thinking it. the hard truth wasn't something i was very fond of, but something i had to face one way or another.
"but i will break every bone in my body before letting that happen.."
"i will train non-stop, i'll fight everyday so that the love of my life; your childhood friend can live her days knowing she has people who are willing to sacrifice everything for her."
𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗽
the walk back was thankfully quiet. i walked away from eren once i had finished my statement, my emotions not prepared for where the talk would have gone if i stayed.
thought i barely made it to my room, stopping every few seconds from dizziness, i made it.
it was pitch-black in my bedroom, the sheets having the faint scent of her from when she stayed over last night.
i turned on my back, staring up into oblivion. my mind was scrambled, going from the conversation i had with eren, to mikasa, to the titans.
the migraine was expected.
groaning in pain, i get out of bed, careful not to move around to much.
i grab my sweater and make my way outside, doing what i always do.
talk to the sky.
if i'm being honest with myself, i haven't had a decent conversation with it in a while, and i was missing that.
the feeling of having everything, yet nothing as the grass surrounds you, spreading acres away. the feeling of how the dragon flies that land on your finger are telling you that they're listening.
they're listing to my conversation with the sky.
and that's exactly how it was.
the stars above me lit the dull night, my eyes wandering in awe as if it were a fabulous light show.
tearing away from reality every once in a while was the reason why i never liked the hard-core truth.
living in a fantasy is better.
but then again..
the thought of mikasa crossed my mind, her welcoming smile, her tough eyes, those beautiful dark locks.
reality cant always be bad.
"hello sky."
"there's something that's been on my mind for a while.."
"it might be to early, to fast for her liking, so i'll tell you instead."
i laid my head on the cold grass, taking slow breaths as i prepared myself for what i was about to say.
"mikasa.. i.."
"i love her. i love mikasa."
a few dragon flies flew to my hand. they're listening.
"i love you too, y/n."
and apparently someone else was listening as well..
