Luving U

Chapter 29

Tori's POV

I got up around ten, had my shower and ate breakfast. Jade had gone back to our parents home, I told her she should get away from all this for a while. She insisted on staying with me but I knew she needed to get back to some normalcy.

My mom was still with me, which was nice. It felt like my childhood again, mom taking care of me when I was sick. She slept on the pull out couch in my living room even though I insisted she take my bed. Stubborn as always, that's where my hard head came from. I texted Ricardo the name and the address of the park as promised and told him I would meet him there by noon.

"How are you feeling?" my mom asked as she slowly sat up on the side of the pull out bed.

I shrugged, "I'm... sad, angry, annoyed, pissed. All of the above."

She stretched as she made her way over to the dining room table and took the seat across from me. "You have every right to feel all those things," her warm hand cupped my cheek as she spoke.

"I haven't even been on any social media since everything came out. Everything happened so fast," I sighed as I looked down at the remainder of my scrambled eggs and half eaten sausage links.

"I suppose that's what happens when you get involved with someone in the public eye, your life is no longer just yours. It suddenly belongs to everyone, and they're all critics," she spoke softly.

I moved the eggs around on my plate, "You didn't see some of the things they said about me ma." I didn't want to tell her either.

My mom held both my hands in hers as she spoke, "You're right. I didn't see what they said, but it doesn't matter because none of that is true."

I crossed to the other side of the table and embraced my mom in the warmest hug. She always knew what to say, and it always came at a time you needed to hear it the most. I laid my head on her shoulder and thought about the album I had started. Metamorphosis. I needed to finish it.

"I think I need to finish this album ma," I said softly.

"Honey, I had no idea that you were even in the process of making an album, or that you were so into music for that matter." I just chuckled and held her close to me.

******

I pulled up to the park ten minutes til noon. I parked my car and sat on a bench perched under a large tree. I played with my thumbs nervously as I waited, and thought about new song concepts for the album I had started. There was no way I was going to finish it any time soon, but that was okay. It didn't need to be rushed.

"May I?" Ricardo's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

I smirked, "It's your section isn't it?"

He laughed softly and sat down on the bench beside me. We were quiet for a moment, eyeing each other intensely. He didn't look like he had lost any sleep over any of this. "Before you start, I need to tell you that I am so sorry Tori."

"I should have never even considered anything Gem was saying, and I apologize for hurting you like that," his words ran together , but I understood him.

I crossed my arms over my chest, "That was really shitty Ric... and you know she loved every minute of it."

"I know... and I don't know how I can make it up to you, but I want to. I want to earn your trust and respect back Tori," he said as he reached out for my hand. "I know I deserved the silent treatment, but not talking to you has been driving me crazy."

My heart fluttered, but I was still upset with him. "Just tell me one thing," I started. "Did you truthfully believe in your heart that I was playing you?"

"No." his response was quick.

I exhaled hard, "I accept your apology."

He hugged me hard. "What did you want to tell me?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand, "I had a miscarriage Ric... that's what I meant when I said I wasn't pregnant anymore."

6lacks POV

The word miscarriage replayed over and over in my head. Something inside me knew that's what she meant when she had originally said "I'm not pregnant anymore", but I wasn't ready to accept it. There was a long pause before either of us said anything. A tear rolled down her cheek and I wiped it away.

"When did it happen?" I finally managed to ask.

Tori wiped her eyes with the back of her jacket, "The morning after Gem came spewing that garbage. Jade woke me up. I had bled in my bed."

"So it's been four days...." I said as I counted back to that night. Tori nodded somberly.

I embraced her in anther hug and I found myself shedding tears too. "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. I'm sorry that I even thought to take Gem's side, I'm so sorry Tori."

We found ourselves crying on that bench for five minutes, mourning the loss of our unborn child. Part of the reason I was crying was because of the hurt and despair I'm sure Tori felt in those first few days. Hurt and despair caused by me.

"Tori," I said, speaking through our tears. "I love you so much, and I never meant to cause this kind of pain to you. I know the miscarriage isn't my fault, but what led up to it is, and then I wasn't even there with you while you were dealing with all of this..." I trailed off. I was getting angry at myself.

She rubbed her eyes gently, and looked at me through her glossy brown eyes. "I love you too Ric, but... I don't want to lose myself loving you."