Treasure tales

Jaehyuk #19: The bridge

Jaehyuk followed Jeongwoo. The younger boy led him to an isolated room in the place and closed the door. He sat down, and gestured for Jaehyuk to do the same.

"Are you finally going to tell me what I did wrong this entire time?" Jaehyuk asked, slightly hurt as he took his seat. "I don't understand Jeongwoo. I've always done my best for you. But you gave me the silent treatment all of a sudden for no reason at all." 

Jaehyuk paused for a short moment. He bowed his head. "I really missed you alot," he murmured. "I was a brother to you, but you were also a brother to me. It did not feel good at all. And now we've even lost Junghwan. Maybe you're right. It really is my fault."

"Do you not understand?" Jeongwoo asked, slightly agitated. "This! This is what I was mad at!"

"What?" Jaehyuk raised an eyebrow. "I don't understand. Do you think I'm pyschic!"

"Finally! Finally you're arguing! Fighting for your own rights! You never think about yourself, do you?" Jeongwoo asked, leaning back in his chair. "You always think about how everything is your fault, and how you aren't competent enough. It was like this since back then, with about everything too. Just because you were the only one without a power doesn't make you any less important than any of us. You were my light, Jaehyuk. You filled my void when I lost my brother. It takes an amazing perosn to do something like that."

"Jeongwoo...what...what are you saying?" Jaehyuk stammered.

"I acted cold to you for two reasons," Jeongwoo continued. "Firstly, because I was genuinely mad and I wanted you to reflect on yourself. Secondly, I was sick of you always recklessly trying to help others, so I wanted to distance myself from you so that for once, I can be the one helping you.

Remember when G Dragon came back to this city? You tried to battle it out on your own. I had a feeling you would do that. It's just something you would do. I don't know what it would have achieved, but I thought that if I distanced myself from you, perhaps I can be the one to help you for once. I could go and be the hero of the day, like you're always trying to do for me. But if I kept you close, you would have sniffed out all my plans and gone off on your own before I could. But you ended up doing that anyway."

"I..."Jaehyuk protested.

"But it was also because I was genuinely frustrated," Jeongwoo continued. "Things are always your fault. Because you ain't good enough. Because you ain't competent enough. The list goes on. Do you know how insulting it is to me? Here I am, adoring you as a younger brother would an older brother, but this is the way you talk about yourself. Are you insinuating that I have no taste? Can I not see for myself what a good and competent person is? I let you into my life because you were kind and warm, exactly what I needed. But you were more than I ever deserved. You were always patient, always caring, and you never gave up on me. You were so kind that I might as well have hit the jackpot. In fact, I probably did.

But now I know that that kindness may be your undoing. You're overly self-sacrificing, and blaming yourself first at every chance. I loved that about you when we first met, but over time I began to realise I also hated that about you. I hated you the more I grew to love and depend on you as a brother figure. It is because I love you that I cannot bear to see you hurt, that I cannot bear to see you be such a pushover, not just to me, but also to everybody.

And that time when we were quarantined in the otherworld...when you came in looking so hurt everyday, it only solidified my resolve. That I must distance myself from you and save you. You protected me all this time, now I must protect you. Because when you seemed so hurt, I too hurt very badly on the inside. I'm sick of always being the weak younger one, Jaehyuk. For once, I wish to give instead of always receiving from you."

Jeongwoo paused. He took in a deep breath. "IDIOT!" He announced boldly. "There, I did it. I called you an idiot. And that's exactly what you are. I always admired you, you know? You're just so kind, and although you have your insecurities, when the time comes, you can suddenly be so confident! You did defeat G Dragon single-handedly after all! That's my big brother all right!" He smiled and offered a hand to Jaehyuk. "Shall we finally make up?"

Jaehyuk was speechless. He looked at Jeongwoo, evidently dumbstruck. Then slowly, he extended a hand to Jeongwoo and shook it.

"I...I..."he murmured. "I'm sorry. I never knew, all this time that my actions have affected you so badly."

There was silence. Then Jaehyuk took a deep breath, and swallowed something. Jeongwoo waited for him patiently, knowing he was preparing to speak.

"A while ago, I may have resisted if you tried to say this to me," he said awkwardly, putting his hands in his pocket. "I always try to help people, probably because in a way it validates my existence in this world. But I recently realised that I have so many people that love me. Rin, you, everybody. All of you went to so much lengths just to help me. If I keep sacrificing myself, I'll just be a greater burden to all of you, right?"

Jeongwoo nodded, seemingly satisfied.

"But at the same time, I help people because I love to. The bright smiles I always get in return never fail to make me the happiest man in the world. I always forget that, and lose myself in my insecurities," Jaehyuk continued. He looked at Jeongwoo in the eyes. "I was only able to understand this thanks to you, to Rin, and to all of Treasure. I musn't forget the real reason why I choose to be kind when I really don't have to."

"You gotta remember your own needs too," Jeongwoo responded, feeling proud of him. He walked forward and stroked Jaehyuk's head. "I believe in you. That you can continue to be the great, confident older brother who was always there for me. I believe you can."

Jaehyuk nodded. "Thank you, Jeongwoo. I finally understand now." He took in a deep breath. "Throughout the recent months, we really did go through alot, right?"

"We really did," Jeongwoo nodded. "I do honestly feel like we all matured. In very different ways, but we still did. It was terrible, but this is worth it, at the very least."

"I really did," Jaehyuk nodded. "Because if all that never happened, I'd have stuck to my previous beliefs. But I now see that my actions will truly cause worry to all of you, and how much you all care such that you would fight to save me." He smiled. "I always acted confident because it was the only thing I could do. But now, I think it can finally come from the bottom of my heart."

"But you know," Jaehyuk said as an afterthought. Jeongwoo shot him a puzzled look. Jaehyuk leaned over and pinched Jeongwoo's cheek with a mischievous smile on his face. "Don't do that again, okay? Just tell me properly next time. I really hated being on bad terms with you like that."

Jeongwoo smiled sheepishly and nodded. "I admit my method wasn't the best," he said. "Alright. Will do."