Coworkers || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 63

October 3rd
We got back from the case this morning and immediately I went and locked myself in the office. Staying busy helps to get my mind off. Walking in the office, I found a small box on the desk. It was my new contract and the plate for my desk and door. I take them out and I just look at them

Jessie Grey
Chief of Behaviour Analysis Unit

A tear rolls down my cheek but I wipe it quickly. I place it on the desk and I take the one that's meant for the door. But I still couldn't get his name out of there. For some reason my whole body was stopping me from doing it. Taking out that last thing will be like accepting and validating that he's completely gone. I think it might be better if I do it later when I'm alone so I won't attract any more sad looks.

So I waited until everyone left or at least that's what I thought they did. The last thing I did was go to Cruz's office to give him my signed contract. On my way back I stop by the wall with the photos and I finally look at it. Under every photo there was the agent's name, date of death and a small description of how it happened including the killers name. The description under my dad's photo have been updated recently due to the identification of his killer. Now the same name is written under his and Aaron's photo. My dad and my husband killed by the same killer.

"It might have been 4 years since then but I haven't gotten used to seen Erin's photo up there yet" I hear David say as he walks to me
"I don't think I'll ever get used to it. It will always be there to remind me what I lost. And I know that people are worried for me. Since he died, everybody's been looking at me, waiting for me to fall apart, freak out or just become a mess. Like a bomb that everyone knows is supposed to go off. James is calling me 2-3 times a day. Derek is also calling me almost every day. Everyone else is acting all careful when I'm around. But it makes sense, right? It's natural. You lose someone you love and then you have to cry and become a mess. But I don't. Not anymore because everytime I love someone, the universe is punishing me for it in the end. I'm actually getting used to it" I say with a chuckle. "So I got this. I'm fine. I'm doing great" I say.

"Wait a minute, don't tell me you're blaming yourself for this" he says
"It's been 35 years since that man killed my dad. 35 years and I couldn't get to him. And look where we are now. He cost me my husband too. And you know what? Before I escaped, I could have shot him but I didn't and then he said that he will make sure I suffer before he dies and I still didn't shoot him. And look where that got us" I say
"No, he doesn't get to win Jessie" he says
"He already has" I say and I start to walk away.

"I don't think so. You have gathered everything of his from your office besides the name on the door. That tells me that you are still fighting because you don't want to let him go" he says
"I already did. Hospital, papers, no more life support. Did you forget?" I say as I keep walking
"We both know that I'm not talking about that" he says
"David, I really need to go home" I say taking my things
"Not before you do this" he says pointing at the name on the door of the office
"I'll do it tomorrow but if you have a problem and can't look at it, you can do it yourself" I say walking past him.

"Hi mommy" is the first thing I hear as soon as I get home
"Hey honey. How are you?" I ask as I pick her up
"Good" she says and I kiss her.
"Hi Jess. They both just ate lunch" Violet says coming from the kitchen
"Great. You can go now Vi. I got it" I say
"Ok. If you need anything, you know where to find me" she says
"Yes, thank you" I say as she leaves. "Let's go see your brother" I say to Mel and I walk to Jack's room. First I knock on the door and then I open. "Hey" I say
"Hey" he says without taking his eyes off whatever he was writing
"How was school?" I ask
"Fine" he says making it very clear that he doesn't want to talk to me
"Ok. If you need anything, I'll be here" I say and I leave his room. I know that he is still processing and he needs space so I try to give it to him but I'm also trying to find a way to help him through it.

October 4th
We have a new case this morning and I had to leave a little earlier. "Let's start" I say as I sit down
"Four women were found dead in the forest this morning by some campers. By the level of decomposition the women were not killed in the same time. First victim, still a Jane Doe, was killed three months ago, second victim two months ago, third one month ago and last one less than two weeks ago. All of them were strangled and sexually assaulted" she says
"Cooling off period becomes shorter... He's escalating. Any connections?" I ask
"I only have IDs on the last three and they all look alike" she says as she shows us their pictures
"Surrogates?" Alvez asks
"Obviously" Penelope says in a sassy tone. I can't really understand why she can't get along with him, probably because she feels like he wants to replace Morgan.
"Reid, Tara and JJ go to the medical examiner's, David and Alvez to the crime scene and--" I was saying but my phone rings.

I exhale as I read the message. "Everything ok?" David asks
"Jack... Jack didn't show up to school today" I say and I get up from my seat "Do you think you can handle this case without me?" I ask
"We will be ok, go. Should we put a APB out?" JJ asks
"Not yet. I'll be back as soon as I can, call me if you need anything" I say and I leave. I get in the car and I drive to the open soccer field. I spot him immediately kicking the balls like he was trying to release his anger. I park the car and I slowly walk there. "Hey" I say as I get out of the car
"Hey" he says without looking at me and like he is forced to talk to me
"I got worried Jack" I say
"Yeah, right" he says with a chuckle
"We all got worried. If you didn't want to go to school today, you could have told me. I understand that you are going through something--" I say but he interrupts me
"Oh really?" he asks ironically "How did you find me? Oh wait, I know. You profiled me, right?" he asks
"No. Some things don't need profiling to guess" I say and he nods.
"You can go home. I'll come later" he says
"No, come on" I say
"Don't you have a case to work?" he asks
"I do actually but I'm sure the team can handle it. If they need something, they can simply call" I say
"That's a first" he says
"Jack, please don't do this. Let's go home so we can talk" I say
"You can't fix it Jessie!" he yells
"Get in the car Jack. Now" I say. He throws his bag on the ground pissed and gets in the car. I take a breath and I pick it up before going in the car myself.

"Let's talk" I say as we get home
"About?" he asks
"You know. Tell me how you feel" I say
"I'm fine. Can I go now?" he asks.
"Ok. I get that you are angry, mad, sad, because I am too. Pressuring your emotions doesn't do any good. Quite the opposite actually, it does so much bad to you and eventually turns into trauma. So I'm begging you, talk to me" I say.
"I... I just miss him" he says with tears
"I know" I say and I hug him. "I miss him too. I need you to know that you are not left alone now. Me and your sister, we are your family. I'm not your mom, I know that and I'm not trying to replace her. She did an amazing job with you so I'm trying to catch up with her" I say with a chuckle "You are my boy too and I promised dad that we are gonna be ok" I continue
"I'm sorry" he says as we pull away
"It's ok. I'm not mad at you. So what do you want to do now?" I say but my phone rings
"It's fine. Go" he says getting up
"Violet is gonna pick up Melissa when she is off school and come here. Are you gonna be ok by then?" I ask
"It's not the first time I stay alone. I'm 13" he says
"Almost. Call me when they get here" I say
"Ok, bye" he says
"Bye" I say as I leave.