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CHARACTER : Jonghyun Cooper
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"Hey... do you think i'm... annoying?"
He put his cup down and turned around with a confused frown.
"Uh, what?"
Thinking that his twin didn't hear him, he smiled brightly. His brother was only here for a short time anyway since he was going to spend the weekend with his lover.
"No, nevermind."
He got up and left the kitchen, putting his phone into his pocket. His headphones started blasting music as loud as possible. He didn't want to think or listen to his dark thoughts. His personality always has been loud and hyper, chatting away without realizing, not listening while others talk and dreaming away. It's always been like that anyway.
Well, people can be so cruel and hurt you in many different ways, ways you wouldn't ever have imagined. And it leads to even more cruel issues and fights in your future. They can pester you for years, making everything unstable. Even after they finally left, you keep questioning everything that's happening.
He realized that he definitely was an annoying person. Just taking up space. Feeling so lonely and left out, having no one. Of course, him and Ezra were close but... it seems there was a big distance between them. Either way, one of them didn't want to open up at all about the dangerous things going on in their head. By dangerous things, specifically speaking, thoughts. Everything that maybe not even a single normal person would think about. It's been a while since they talked for real with each other. it's been 11 days and the distance seemed to get greater and greater by every second that passes.
Jonghyun knows his soulmate better than everyone - or that's at least what he thought over the past four years. But now, even to him, it seems like he was so wrong about it. He felt like he didn't know anything.
The same uneasy feeling that had been frequently there for the past days became stronger with every hour that slowly passed. He got to realized he was annoying, loud but most of all, he was selfish.
Just today, once again, he realized he's so god damn selfish. As if he was the center of attention, even though he was not and never wanted to be. Not having his emotions under control, getting jealous over nothing and being angry the next second, just giving an half-assed apology. And then, later on venting about his feelings and past ; things that mess with his head. It was confusing. And annoying.
His acts seemed so selfish, only using his friends but especially using his soulmate out of all people.
He felt so miserable and at the same time he knew Ezra would blame himself and apologize for doing nothing wrong. Everytime, Ezra apologizes without any clear reason. Jonghyun knew it was a habit, he himself had it too, but now, everything was too much for his mind to comprehend.
Ezra could simply be just busy or feel unwell, just as Damon could, too, and maybe that's why they've not been in contact often lately.
Jonghyun understands that, but some part of him made him anxious and sad, maybe even angry for no reason at all. Why was he being so clingy all the time? Spamming with the most unnecessary things that they don't even wanna know about.
The young adult didn't know what to do with all his feelings at the moment. He wanted to cry, scream at the top of his lungs and violently break all things that are breakable. But instead, he sat on his bed, listening to music while not knowing anything. It seemed like his head was empty and his heart was hurting like hell; It felt like thousands knifes stabbed through his heart, tearing it apart after he spent a whole year on fixing it. Maybe he should fix his attitude and behavior so he'd be more likeable?
He didn't know. All he wanted to do now was to die.
How can a young person feel so torn and hopeless, so exhausted and sad? Life hurts. It hurts like hell, it's a pain in the ass and simply existing ruins your whole being.
How much he missed his old self. The old him that used to not give a fuck at all, just trying to live a happy life with one friend by his side.
Nowadays he was always glued to his phone, daydreaming and making up a world he would love to live in, avoiding people as much as possible but now not even his music felt like it was going to help him.
He had so many assignments for school due to very soon, one even to tomorrow morning but right now, he didn't care at all. He just wanted to disappear.
Today, he woke up at 7AM and took his phone, avoiding his feelings and only got out of his comfy, safe bed at almost 12AM to get a warm drink. His last shower has been taken a week ago without washing his hair, he didn't brush his teeth the last three days nor did he get dressed the past week. He looked pale and sick, his hair and face a mess.
After all, he didn't care at all about his hygiene. He knew he was healthy in any form and way; neither his body nor his mind seemed to be ill.
Jonghyun put his phone away, taking off his headphones and stared at the wall.
He wanted to get wasted so bad, it has been a while since he drank alcohol. He wanted to hurt himself, but he didn't like physical pain. He can't handle wounds or blood or any pain he wasn't used to. On the other hand, he was used to his painful mind.
His body felt so tired and the pain was immense. He was now sitting in the bathroom, staring at his reflection. It scared him.
He shook his hands violently while walking around fastly, trying to get rid of the tingling sensation in both feet and hands. It was a painful sensation.
He hated this. He hated everything.
On top of his hidden sadness and anxiety was pure anger.
He wanted to die so badly. He knew no one would bother anyway.
Four. Four was good number, but too much.
One. Only once. One time. Long. Deep.
Nothing could fix this. Nobody could save him. Worst thing was, he knew it.
It wasn't until the next day that someone found a young Teenager dead in his own apartment.
Either way, the feelings didn't vanish at all. He killed himself multiple times but this time, he was gone for real.
![sʜᴏʀᴛ sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs [eng]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/218824844-64-k637848.jpg)