'What's your favourite flower, petal?'' his once rough voice, felt oddly soothing,
As we gazed up at the stars I feel as connected to him as they are. I know we aren't good people, we don't do good things, but now in this moment, we're normal.
I...
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I don't know why I told her, it felt right when I said it, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I've never told anyone about my fear, mainly because of what happened after I was pulled out of the dreaded water,
Age 6:
The water surrounded my body pulling me under more and more, I screamed desperate for some relief, I could feel the water pouring and filling up my lungs as I screamed over and over, I felt my legs crashing onto the rocks that lay underneath me as I was dragged along with the current, time went in slow motion, and it was almost as if I could see myself in third person, my small body struggling and screaming for my parents, when I was finally pulled out it was dark, I chocked all the water out of my lungs ready for the much needed air to pile in,
''Fucking hell Anne why weren't you watching?'' I could hear my father screaming at my mum, blaming her for my actions, why wouldn't they stop fighting?
I just wanted them to pay attention to me for once, they shouted a lot, blaming each other, blaming me or Gemma, sometimes I can hear plates smashing from upstairs when they argue, and it scares me.
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So when I think of the water it reminds me of my childhood, it's a trigger, all the arguments and blaming and violence, I always looked up to my father, thinking he was kind, and a gentle man, and I wanted to be just like him, but now I'm grown I know I have, I'm exactly who I wanted to be at such a young and impressionable age, he wasn't a good man, he was violent, and cruel,
Just like me.
I watched her face as I told her those words, almost as if she had known her whole life, as if we weren't arguing, as if we were not trying to kill each other, her lips forming a small line, her eyes peering at me, but it was different, as if she wanted me to be comfortable around her, and I am.
It's a weird comfort, I know she wants to kill me, and I want just the same, but seeing her hair flow behind her face as she drove the boat forward, and her rings on her fingers holding the wheel, she angers me, I don't want to like her, but there's a look in her eye that pulls you in, and that scares me.
It's a big accomplishment I even stepped foot on that beach, let alone on a boat, every now and then the small droplets of water splashing at my face, so I sat, watching her as she breathed in the fresh air, enjoying this time, as if she wasn't trying to kill me a few hours ago.
''It's rude to stare you know'' she smiles at me mocking my words from earlier,
''Wasn't'' I spoke back mimicking her, watching her smirk as she carried on driving towards the nearest dock, ''You didn't answer my question earlier you know.'' I said looking at her, to distract myself from the water,
