Breaking In

Chapter 28:

Cameron walked over to the bed and pulled the blankets back for me while I stood frozen in place, rethinking the situation I was about to put myself in. It was one thing to want the security he gave me when I was alone in a dark room, but it was a whole other frightening prospect of lying with him half-naked next to me in bed.  Even if nothing happened, one of us was bound to move accidentally or touch each other in a way I wasn't sure if I was ready for. 

"Well, are you just going to stand there or are you joining me?" Cameron grew impatient as he waited for me to climb in.

"Will you promise to stay on your side of the bed?" I swallowed, looking at the way his perfectly defined chest moved up and down with every breath.

"Darling, the whole bed is my side." He smiled and raised an eyebrow at me which caused an instant chemical explosion south of the border.

Fuck, he should come with a warning label.

I hesitantly walked over to his bed and threw his pillow back down where it belonged. I climbed under the blankets in my usual spot as he climbed on the other side next to me. 

We both sat lying on our backs in silence, clearly unable to fall asleep with the uneasy tension between us.  I sat drumming my fingers against my stomach and began humming because I was so nervous. My feet were tapping to the rhythm in my head.  

"Do you have to do that?" He complained.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Constantly make noise and move." He grumbled.

"I'm not moving," I argued. 

"I... you know what? Nevermind, please continue not moving and shaking the whole bed."  He shook his head and clenched his jaw at me.

I sat there for fifteen more minutes humming, huffing, and doing everything I could to take my mind off of the boy lying next to me.  No matter how hard I tried, it didn't work.  Cameron was the only thing I could think about.  It got even worse when he began restlessly shifting next to me too.  We both were squirming around like fish out of water as we tried to keep our limbs from coming near one another.  Cameron began sighing a lot and making little grumbly comments under his breath in frustration.

"Thats's it. This feels weird, Jess." He grunted, giving up.

"For me too," I admitted. 

"I don't know how to just lay here like this, without touching you."  He admitted.

"Same." I sighed. 

Even when we were just friends, before everything happened, we always found a way to hold hands or snuggle against one another.  It was never weird back then. I never felt as empty without him touching me as I did right now.

"You know what, I am done with this bullshit game." Cameron turned on his side to face me.

"This isn't a game to me." I turned to the other side to avoid looking at him.

"I want to be with you. I have always wanted you and I know you want me too. What we have right now might not be perfect and might take a little work, but it is there."

"I don't know." I was running scared from him.  Every time I let my guard down with anyone, I always lost.  If I let him in, it meant I could lose him again. I would never survive without him this time around.

"Kiss me and then tell me you still don't know."  He turned me around to make me face him. We were nose to nose as he slid his hand over my hip and around my back. His fingers traced lightly up and down my spine underneath my tank top as he pulled me closer.