Divine Intervention

Chapter 6

It was so good to talk to Michelle. My phone beeped at me letting me know that it needed to be charged. I headed upstairs, put my phone on the charger and I took a quick shower. I got dressed and made the bed, trying not to think of what could have happened there this morning. We definitely needed to talk. My stomach rumbled and pulled me out of my thoughts. It was nearly noon and I hadn’t eaten anything. I went downstairs to take care of that. 

While I ate, I called my mom. I let her know that I arrived safely and that the place was beautiful. I didn’t tell her about Avi. I figured there was no point as she would probably ask questions that I had no answers to. It was just after noon when I hung up with her. I tried to figure out what to do to pass the time. I had brought books to read, projects to crochet, and I had my laptop for Netflix. This was supposed to be time to reconnect with myself after all. Then I met Avi and it seemed like everything changed. I found myself missing him. I mean really missing him. I felt like a part of me had been cut out and that was absolutely insane. This was only my third day here and I had only spent just a few hours alone. What was my problem? 

With my phone fully charged, I decided to take my thoughts for a walk and see if I could clear my head. I decided against music. The calming strains of the Sage and Stone EP were not going to be helpful in this situation. I found myself on the same path that I had followed just a few days before. It wasn’t long before I reached the clearing. I seated myself on the giant rock that Avi sat on and attempted to clear my head, hoping nature could provide me with the magical answers I needed.

Six months ago my world was turned upside down. My husband was killed by a drunk driver and I found myself alone for the first time in years. I had lots of friends and family to help me through all of the things that come along with that. Insurance is a beautiful thing. It paid for everything including the house. The friends and family helped me clean out his stuff, get all of the paperwork in order, and start to settle into this new reality. They couldn’t help with the feelings or the needs. 

A year prior I had found Twitter. I was already a fan of Pentatonix, but I fell head first into the fandom on Twitter. Here I met my second family. Meeting them got me through some things I had never been through before. I saw my first Pentatonix concert with a private performance. I got to meet internet friends from all over the country. Around that time things changed between my husband, Mark, and I. He got moody and wondered how I could be so close to people I met on the internet. I tried to explain that we had a lot in common and it was nice to share interests with someone. He started spending more time at work and less time with me. I started spending more time talking to my twitter family as a means of emotional support. I think he was also jealous that I had developed a connection with Avi after the concert.  He started following me on Twitter and we would have conversations via DM every now and then. Nothing crazy, just friendly chatter. I tried talking to Mark about it, but he just pushed it and me away. That was when I met Ava. I was able to talk to her about things going on with Mark because she had never met him and had no preconceived notions about him. It was nice and it was safe. She was a support for me and I in turn was support for her. 

Things changed again. It seemed like Mark and I were getting along better thanks to some advice from Ava. We were talking more, laughing more, going on dates, and spending time together. It was almost like we were newlyweds again. Then the accident happened. Just like that he was gone. Once again Ava became a very solid support system. A couple of weeks later I found out that Mark had been cheating on me and that was likely the cause of the change in his behavior. I didn’t want to tell anyone that knew him because it didn’t matter, he was dead. I told Ava. She eventually convinced me to tell others and to go to therapy if I needed it. We soon made plans to actually meet. It was fun and it was exciting. There were nights where our conversations left me confused over what I was feeling. I pushed through it and  convinced myself that once we met everything would be fine. Ava, Michelle, and my therapist helped me make the decision to take this trip. Everyone else thought I was crazy. I had the money and I had the time so I took the trip.

So here I was sitting on this rock and I still had no answers. That wasn’t 100% true. I had one answer. Avi and Ava were the same person. This is why I felt so close to him. He basically lived the last year of my life with me. We had already started an emotional relationship, a relationship that I was totally invested in. I knew we couldn’t just start from the beginning because we already knew so much about each other, but starting in the middle felt strange. Was I ready for a romantic relationship? Was I ready to be physical with someone? Was I ready to start a relationship with a man who lived more than halfway across the country? With a man who was famous? My body was, my heart I wasn’t so sure of. Things happen for a reason, but what was the reason? Michelle said to talk to him and to listen, and that’s what I needed to do.