Eucalyptus & Honey |H.S.|

Chapter 19 - Things that We'll Never Know

Harry's POV

The cigarette smoke burned the back of my throat, and it was the only thing besides my angel standing next to me that grounded me at the moment. We'd collectively smoked half a pack since those words left her pretty lips fifteen minutes ago, and neither of us had said a word.

Mum and Gems decided to take a nap after breakfast, so that left me alone with Stevie.

Fuck.

There was so much she didn't know. Couldn't fucking know. I wasn't sure if she would ever look at me the same again, and I couldn't ever fucking risk that.

So, I'd do whatever the fuck I can to keep her in the dark about me. About it all.

I took one long final drag of my cigarette before extinguishing it in the ash tray near my hand that was pressed against the railing. I held the smoke for as long as I physically could—until my lungs were aching, and my head was spinning—before I finally released the puff of smoke. I pressed my other hand against the railing as I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to the bright sky, the nicotine and the head rush relaxing my muscles. This was exactly why Stevie and I had already smoked at least five cigarettes each. Everything was just too fucking much right now for my head not to be spinning.

Suddenly, I felt Stevie duck under my arm so that she could lean against the railing in front of me, causing me to open my eyes and drop my head down to look at her. I fucking loved how comfortable she was with me—how confident. It was pretty fucking rare for people to be so self assured around me, and it was one of the things that immediately drew me to her. Not to mention how fucking beautiful she was. She was fucking perfect. That's why I called her angel. Because, I swear, she was the most perfect angel I'd ever seen.

Fuck, I was so terrified to fuck things up with her. Mum had been right. She was way too good for me. For all the shit that comes with me.

Her eyes were filled with so many different emotions, and I could read them all so clearly. I don't know how she didn't realize that I could see right through her.

There was a mix of worry, and confusion, and anger, and I would do anything in my power to help her stop feeling that way. She didn't deserve it.

Her arms were crossed over her chest as if she didn't want to touch me, despite our now very close proximity. She was biting her bottom lip, and I could tell she was finally going to speak, so I waited. "Pretty?" Her voice was hesitant, and she looked so fucking anxious, I hated it. I also hated the way my stomach flipped like a fucking fish out of water every time she called me that. It made me feel powerless. But I also loved it, and never wanted her to stop saying it.

I realized I still hadn't said anything, and I cursed myself for contributing to her anxiety. I hadn't been silent this whole time because of her, my brain just couldn't fucking stop overthinking everything. But, still, I was an asshole for waiting so long to speak.

I stood up straighter so that I could press my hips against hers, locking her against the railing. I just needed the contact. She was like the fucking air I breathe, and going too long without her touch felt like drowning under the deepest part of the ocean. And I was sure she felt the same—at least somewhat—because every time we touched, her shoulders relaxed and her mouth parted as if she had just released every tension in her body. I wanted to grin every time I noticed it, but I pressed down the feeling, not wanting to draw attention to it.

I tilted my head down and brushed my lips against the tip of her nose. It was one of my favorite things to do. She had the cutest fucking nose. Some of the anger that I saw earlier left her eyes as I said, "Sorry, angel baby. Just fuckin' lost in my head and shit. You okay?"