My Garden || Dreamwastaken

20

I relaxed back into my chair. The rest of the stream had just been me and chat. I wanted to reconnect with them the best that I could, but now I was tired as hell. I was kinda sad when Clay had left, but it gave me more time with chat.

  The white light from my computer illuminated my face in the darkness of midnight. I had forgotten to turn my lights back on and now the darkness consumed my room, making everything, but what my computer lit up, monsters of the night.

  I had feared the dark for years, but tonight seemed so much worse. When I was with Clay, I was able to push my fears down. I knew he was there for me if I needed anything, but now I was alone in the darkness with only the noises of the city night to remind me that I was home.

  I felt as though three figures loomed dark in the shadows, watching me, scrutinizing me. It had always been two figures, but now there was a third.

  I carefully got up from my desk and walked over to my bed to turn on the soft lights above it. I rummaged through my covers in a panic, trying to find the remote. I felt as though the three figures were approaching in the darkness and I started to feel my adrenaline kicking in.

  I reached under my pillow and felt the slim plastic remote. I immediately pressed the first button on it that I felt and the soft glow of the lights lit up my room.

  I took a deep breath and fell onto my bed. It was childish to be afraid of the dark, but the monsters that it held never went away for me. I was haunted by bad memories, and now a third had been added to the list.

  I didn't think he would show up here. Why couldn't he have just stayed in Florida? I know in reality he was most likely cuddling with Pixie back in Orlando, but he was here for me.

David had joined Dylan and my father in the dark to make past scars into fresh wounds. I knew they weren't real and I never saw them or anything, it was just a constant feeling of dread and judgement.

  My anxiety had made my insecurities into the people that caused them and whenever I was alone, they were there to remind me of everything wrong with me.

  Here I was, a grown ass woman, sitting in her bed to hide from the dark. That's just what trauma does to people I guess.

  I had been given such a nice break from it when I was with Clay. I felt safe around him and that held the monsters of my past at bay.

  I pulled his hood over my head and hid my face into the sweatshirt. It was the closest thing I had to hugging him at the moment.

  I sighed into the fabric. I knew I wasn't sleeping that night.

-=-

  "Hey, Heather!" Jameson greeted me as I joined his call.

  "Hi." I croaked, the lack of sleep getting to me.

  "Woah! Are you good?" Jameson questioned.

  "Couldn't sleep." I answered plainly.

  "Were you up all night on a call with loverboy?" He teased.

  "Nightmares actually." I played with the strings on the hoodie that I was still wearing.

  "Oh." He sighed. "Same as usual?"

  "Pretty much." I confirmed. "Had a nice break from them in Orlando."

  "What changed?" He questioned.

  "In what? In Orlando or in the nightmare?" I wasn't sure which part of my statement he was curious about.

  "The nightmare. It's just stuff with your dad and your brother, right?" Jameson had heard about my paranoia and nightmares many times, so he knew the basic trends.