10K Tuesday

👑 Gang of Youths : Achilles, Come Down 👑

Lyrics :
Where you go, I'm going. So, jump and I'm jumping, since there is no me without you..

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TW : Suicide
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Suicide, the subject that happens every day, but the topic of conversation that is never welcomed into many households. People who don't understand the emotional connection between the thought and the person, they're the lucky ones, aren't they?

To never feel like the walls of your own home, your own mind is caving, should be relaxing to them. To never feel like the people who promised the most will hurt you the most when they leave, it should feel like a blessing.

To never want to taste the touch of death, or to never have the urge to spin in the bright moonlight until you fall off of a cliff, it seems to be natural for some. What a strange world it would be if we were all content.

Suicide is the feeling that anyone, young or old, of any race, black or white, or any status, poor or rich, can feel at any time of day.

|| (Y/N)'s P.O.V ||

I don't feel happiness anymore, to put it simply. I'm not happy like I was when I was 16-years-old and sneaking out of my house for the thrill of it. I don't feel so warm inside.

I don't get butterflies when I see a puppy, and I don't get excited when I go to a place where happiness is suppose to bloom. Everything that I once felt such love for seems to have burnt out; somewhere in my heart and somewhere in my head.

But how could this happen? Everyone tells me that I am so young and should feel grateful for being youthful, before it's too late and I'm in my old age and ate up with arthritis. But let's be honest here, I rather be old.

I rather have lived a life already, seen what I wanted to see and do what I wanted to do. While being inches away from meeting the grim reaper. I've tried to be an adrenaline junky.

That only makes me excited for death, and when it doesn't happen at the end, I feel a little more despair in me than I did before the activity. I think the only good thing about my life right now would have to be Tommy.

We don't do what normal couples do, though. I'm content with that, if honesty is still an option. I like the fact he doesn't force me to get out of our bed and be active outside. He's just as content with laying on the couch with me, or on the floor when an episode gets too bad.

I like how he doesn't force me to eat things that would promote serotonin in my body. Instead, he's content with making me eat three times a day, even if it's just take-out. If he feels persistent that day, he even coaxes me into a snack.

Lately, though, it seems like my love for him is diminishing, like my love for being alive. So, here I am. On top of an abandoned building.

The heels that I picked out for this special occasion were the same ones Tommy got me for my 20th birthday, and they did nothing to protect my ankles from the cold.

The dress I had laid out after my bath was one of my favorites. Skin was shown and the cold took advantage of that as well. I did my hair as best I could between the knots and mats, and my makeup was done as best as I could, as if a million people were waiting to see me.

You got to look good for the man upstairs, right? No. I don't think anyone will see me until a couple days later. Tommy's smart but the riddle I had left him would take at least three days. I made sure it was hard to beat, I had to.

My hands were loosely hanging by my sides as my eyes were focused on the ground, which was 40 stories below me, at the moment. My breathing was just as even as if I were only a foot away from the asphalt.