The 16 Step Plan To Become Sirius Lupin

Step 14: Un-Break That Bitch

Well, it had been a solid year since Remus cried over Sirius.

He was keeping count, just for fun. Not that crying was fun, he just needed something to do. Unfortunately, that day was October 31st, 1993. The 12th anniversary of Sirius going to Azkaban. And Remus really just needed a good cry.

It didn't help at all that Sirius had escaped Azkaban. Now his tears were mixed. There was love, sadness, and betrayal, but also anger and fear. Remus figured that Sirius had broken out to either finish the Potters or come after Remus.

He wouldn't kill me.

Would he?

So he sat in his office that branched off from the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom and he cried, his body shaking with the violence of the sobs. He was just calming down and about to leave the room when the cupboard in the corner clicked open, as if it were a sign for him to look inside. So he walked over and pulled the door open.

Inside it was a stash of Sirius' stuff. On top of that stash was a note in Lily's loopy handwriting.

Remus,
I know you want to forget, but someday you'll want to remember. You don't have to go through everything right now, but we're here for you when you do. We love you so much, Remus.

Remus just stared in the closet. He couldn't get into this. Not today.

But there was a crinkled envelope on top of the pile that said, "Remus" on the front in Sirius' fancy pureblood-taught script. In the corner, the date, "21/12/75" was written.

Remus reached a trembling hand out and picked up the envelope. As he walked back to his desk and sat on the chair, he hesitantly broke the seal of the envelope and pulled out a letter.

Dear Remus,
I'm never going to send this letter, I just need to get some things off of my chest.
I think I love you.

Remus sobbed and cast a silencing charm on his office. He definitely wasn't ready for this.

I think I have for a while now and just thought it was a best friends sort of thing.
But now I know the truth.
I love you.

Remus' tears blurred his eyes and he couldn't read the letter, so he blinked and let them fall, smudging the ink at the bottom.

I love the way you blush when someone winks at you.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you tug on that one curl that hangs in front of your eyes when you're focusing.

Remus let out a sad laugh. He had just been tugging on that one curl while reading the letter.

I love the way you wrinkle your nose.
I love that you have a million sweaters.
I love that you always scold us for getting in trouble, even though you're the one who gets us in trouble most of the time.
I love that Padfoot and Moony get to play together on full moons.

Remus gave a small smile, fondly remembering the full moons they spent together as teenagers. There had been a particularly bad moon the night before and he remembered Moony asking where Padfoot was. This sent him on a fresh wave of sobs.

I love you, Remus. Lycanthropy and all.
But I can't tell you. I can't ruin our friendship. If you ever do find out, I'm sorry. And I hope we can still be friends.
- Sirius