Be My Eyes || Larry Stylinson

t h i r t y - n i n e

Wolverhampton, England.

The car roared to life as Harry backed out of his parking space, ignoring the silence that now engulfed him and his car. The teenagers outside had mostly dispersed, but some stood their ground, letting silence be the only fight they put up against Harry after his outburst. 

As Harry drove away, he saw Liam walking off the side of the road with Andy and his pack of douches laughing as they trailed behind him. Catching sight of the car, Liam had looked up for a brief second, and Harry could have sworn on his mother's grave that there were tears in his best friend's eyes. Pushing the look on Liam's face to the back of Harry's mind, guessing that it was just the downpour of rain that caused him to look as though he had been crying. 

Besides, Harry had bigger problems. He was frantic, sobs dominating even the loud cracks of thunder and lightning outside. Harry made a stop at his mother's grave, sitting in front of the tombstone not caring if his pants got mud on it. He let himself stay for a little while, whispering apologies to his mother for how much he fucked up his life, and then he stood up with one last stop in mind.

So he said goodbye.

"I'll see you soon, mum."

-

Harry stopped the car on the side of the road, wanting to walk instead of drive. He didn't want anyone to wonder why his car was just in the middle of the road later on. If anyone recognized his car at all, that is. 

"Harry?" He stopped in his tracks turning around to see his best friend. Liam had walked an awful lot tonight, it was obvious by the amount of mud on his legs and shoes. He was drenched head to toe, much like Harry was. That was all it took for Harry to start crying again.

"Harry, I'm so sorry." Liam pleaded, taking steps towards the younger boy, but Harry only took steps backward to keep the distance between them. The footie player sighed, "Harry, you have to understand. I never wanted to hurt you, they made me. It's a lie, I don't hate you."

"Shut up, Liam." Harry cried, walking even further away with Liam following behind.

"Harry, they're wrong, you're wrong. I never hated you, not for a single second. You have to understand that this was the only way for me - "

"For you to what, Liam? To get away from me? Make more friends? I thought we had agreed that having each other was good enough." 

"It was," Liam said, desperation clear in his voice, "You're always going to be enough for me, Harry. Always. I know you'll never forgive me, but please, please just forgive me for all of this. You have to believe me. I did it because I was scared of this."

"Scared of me?" Harry asked, his voice dropping an octave lower in a mixture of sadness and anger.

"No, of course not," Liam tried, but was only cut off by Harry.

"Good, because the only person you should be scared of is yourself." 

Liam was quiet, not knowing how to respond, so he just blurted it out, "I was scared because I love you, Harry. Our school is so against people like you, gays. I can't be like that, you have to understand."

Oh, did Harry understand. It suddenly all made sense. So he turned around, "You're right Liam."

And for a second, just a second, Liam thought there was hope; but it was shattered.

"I won't forgive you for any of this. And if you're so scared to be like me, I'm glad. If being gay makes you a monster, you'd be the ugliest monster around, because you already are one. A lying, disgusting monster just like Andy and his crew. You want to fit in so badly you decide to let people tear down someone else. I refuse to let you of all people do that to me."

And this time, Liam didn't have to run.

Harry ran instead.