Eenie Meenie Minie Mo

Chapter Forty-Four

As I’d promised, I spilled my guts to my mother when she got home from teaching later Monday morning. She sat there, listening intently while not looking all that surprised; which kind of threw me off guard, honestly. I guess I didn’t give her enough credit. She was more perceptive than I thought she was.

  She talked to me honestly. Actually, maybe too honestly. Because what she had to say was this:

  “When I first met your father, I was just a girl. Only eighteen. But as soon as I laid eyes on him, I knew….I had to have him or I’d die.” She laughed a little. “That probably sounds silly, but it’s true. He was so unlike anyone I’d ever met. He was charming and silly, and, yes, a total geek. I suppose it’s not real secret that in high school I was the preppy popular girl. Actually, more like the preppy, popular girl’s sidekick. But I loved him anyway. He was one of those guys that was a complete dork but it worked for him. He was too cool and too comfortable with the way he was to care what anyone else thought of him—and for that a lot of people actually did like him. It was the real reason I fell in love with him. I’d never seen someone so honestly confident. It blew me away!”

  I’d heard the story of my parents before, but it was usually told in an amused way, with the two of them yelling over the top of eachother. My dad would say Mom was a spoiled brat who wanted everything her own way—and that, unfortunately, he was one of those things. It’d been a long time since I’d heard the story, though. Not just after Dad died, but before, too. Things were too dark and gloomy and neither of them really seemed happy enough to talk about it anymore.

  “Mom,” I said quietly. “What happened to make Dad drink?”

  She didn’t look at me right away. A soft sigh left her lips as she stared out the window, lost in memory. Her brows drew together slightly and I thought I saw a slight glimmer in her eyes. “I wish I could tell you, Kodi. But, honestly, I don’t know why he started drinking. He’d never been a partier when he was younger. I think getting older and you kids growing up had a lot to do with it. He got overwhelmed by time passing by and….I guess alcohol just helped numb that. For a while it wasn’t bad, though. He was just obnoxious. And I guess I should have said something about it, but I didn’t think it was getting out of hand…..But it did. And then there was nothing I could do….”

  Silence was thick in the air. I didn’t dare breathe, for fear this amazing spell my mother was over would break. She hadn’t said so much about my dad in years; unless you count the time I blew up in her face not a month ago. I never brought it up, because every time I mentioned him she’d get sad and depressed and I…..I just felt like I could lose her, too, if I wasn’t constantly trying to get her mind off the past.

  “Do you miss him?” I asked in almost a whisper.

  “Very much,” she answered, her voice catching. “I know I don’t always show it, but….Your father was my entire world. When I stop to think about losing him….about him losing himself, I just can’t bear it. Maybe that’s not handling it well, but it’s been easier to just move forward without looking back.”

  “But, Kodi,” she added, grasping my hands tightly so I would look into her eyes as she continued. “That’s over now. I’m not just going to pretend like he never existed anymore. It’s not fair to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize that before. I suppose we could see counselors, if that’s what you still want, but….I’d rather talk to you. Honey, I know you’re still hurting over losing him. I can handle whatever it is you feel you need to say to me. If you think it’s my fault, tell me.”