Eenie Meenie Minie Mo

Chapter Thirty

What I really wanted to do was stand out on the front porch and make out with Sawyer until I was blue. But I knew before we could actually start anything, I had to talk to him. Really talk to him.

I walked him inside much too soon and we sat on the couch while I explained what had happened with my dad. With the way Sawyer kept looking at me, I was pretty proud that I’d gotten through the story without bursting into tears. I think maybe that when I’d told him my life was complicated, he might have thought I was being melodramatic; because he looked pretty guilty as I went through the story.

I cleared my throat. "Um, so I had to tell you that so you’d get the Kevin Mason story. I’m not very proud of this…."

Sawyer reached over and clutched my hand. "Kodi, you really don’t have—"

"No," I interrupted. "I do. I know myself well enough to realize that keeping my mouth shut forever is just going to ruin every good thing I have with someone. And I just won’t do that to you. So….you wanna hear this or not?" I tried smiling a little to ease the tension, but I didn’t think it worked.

And Sawyer, always sweet and patient, just nodded.

I took in a deep breath. I wasn’t sure talking about Kevin would be easier or harder than talking about my dad. At least I’d talked about my dad before. With Kevin…..I hadn’t even told Jason the full story. He only knew little bits and pieces of that fiasco.

"So when I was thirteen," I started finally, "I had this huge crush on my brother’s friend’s twin brother. He was fifteen and I know for sure he’d had like three other girlfriends before me. I didn’t care. When I found out he liked me, too, I was just like out of my mind happy, you know? As far as first boyfriends go, he was really great for a while…."

I stared down at my hands for a minute. "But then, you know….my dad died. And I’d been acting out before all that went down, too, but nothing too bad. Kevin had been pressuring me for a long time to do…stuff. I’d refused until that point. I dunno. Something in me just cracked. It was like being with Kev, and getting into worse things than just sex, was the only way I could cope. I didn’t even realize how bad it was getting until I tried to break it off with him.

"Kevin just went nuts." Images flashed in my mind of that day. It was almost like his eyes had turned red in anger. I’d never seen him so mad. And then he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. He hadn’t believed me….. "Things kinda escalated from there. I was too afraid to try and get away from him again after that. And after he knew he could get away with hitting me….and such, he just kept doing it."

I shut my eyes briefly, desperate to control my anger. I hadn’t how helpless I’d been, letting him rape me continuously, telling myself it was my fault; I was sending him mixed signals. "Jason got wind of a few things. Not everything, but enough to come to me with it," I said. "At first I denied everything. Even when I had a chance to finally be rid of Kevin, I still so scared that somehow he’d know. I can’t explain it. There’s just something that happens to you being with a guy like that…..But anyway, Jason wasn’t having any of it and with a lot of patience, he finally convinced me to tell him."

I started laughing. "Maybe he would have gone to the cops if he hadn’t gone over and beat Kevin to a bloody pulp! But I begged him not to. He was completely ready to, even knowing he’d be charged with assault. But he agreed with me, on the condition that I didn’t date and talked to him……otherwise he’d tell our mom; and that was out of the question.

"So, I talked and remained single and he kept it between us." I looked back up at Sawyer, with some difficulty, and tried to act like it wasn’t really that tough, telling him all these things.