Hurricane // Matty Healy ♣ The 1975

31. vulnerable

PLS LISTEN TO THE SONG ON THE SIDE  WHILE READING THIS YAAAH

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The previous day.

Matty's POV

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You’re such a baby

It’s just a nose bleed
Leave me for a while
So you can go and cry
Didn’t I say that
You make it up
Twist my words around
Flip them upside down
You cannot stay here
You must go home
It’s nearly 3 o’clock
And now I’m seeing spots

Wake me up just to call me
Sleeping beauty
Oh fine
That’s fine
I got my hands up
I’m feeling vulnerable

-

It was five o'clock, I had just gotten back from George's flat. 

I yawned as I shut the front door and hung my coat up on the coat rack. 

I slowly trudged through the corridor into the kitchen and turned the kettle on. I grabbed a mug and emptied some coffee and sugar into it. 

Just as the kettle boiled, the doorbell rang. I frowned. 

I walked back to the door and swung it open, revealing none other than Kelsey. 

"Hi." She said softly. I frowned at her. 

"What do you want?" I asked. She sighed softly. 

"I don't know anymore."  

So I invited her in. 

I gave her my coffee and made a new one for myself, and we sat down on the sofa. 

"George was really upset, you know." I told her after I sipped my coffee. She nodded her head. 

"I know." She winced. "I just... I'm just such a major fuck up, you know?"

I nodded my head. 

"I know the feeling. But George isn't going to take you back, you know that, don't you?"  

She nodded her head. 

"I know."

Then she kissed me.

Her lips were softer then Lizzy's, fuller, they tasted of strawberries, coffee and wine. 

I pulled back. 

"And now you're going to try it on with me," I frowned at her. "How much wine have you had?" 

She studied my face. 

"Enough to do this." She whispered, sitting back and pulling her t-shirt over her head. 

She wasn't wearing a bra. 

I pursed my lips and tried to keep my eyes on her face. 

"What the fuck?" I finally spoke. She moved closer to me and pressed her lips against my earlobe and began nibbling on it softly. I gulped and placed my hands on her waist and gently pushed her away from me. 

She looked dejected. 

"I'm sorry, Kelsey, but I'm not going to fuck you-" 

"Please Matty, I'm really sad and needy and stupid and I just want you." 

I sighed quietly, my eyes flicking down to her chest momentarily. I licked my lips and thought about Lizzy for a minute before scooping her and her tshirt up and carrying her to the bedroom. 

She laughed as she fell backwards onto the bed and I did as well as her hair tangled with the duvet. 

She sat up and pushed jeans down her legs and I started to unzip mine. 

I pulled them down my legs and we both laughed as they got caught on my feet. 

I sat down on the bed and she wrapped her arms and legs aroud my body from behind. 

I bent over and tugged the jeans off my feet, which was when I saw one of Lizzy's socks poking out from under the bed. My eyes widened.

I couldn't do this, I loved Lizzy too much, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind constantly that has only recently become more prominent. 

She didn't want me anymore. She was bored and young and I was boring and older than her. 

Kelsey pressed her lips against my back and traced her tongue down my spine. I shivered and turned around. She fell backwars with her head on Lizzy's pillow, on Lizzy's side of the bed. 

I chewed on her neck, trying to picture her as Lizzy. 

Her hand took mine and brought it up to her chest to cup her boob gently. 

She moaned quietly and I smiled as I moved my lips onto her's. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and we fought restlessly. 

She sniffled quietly and I wiped the tears from her cheeks and pulled back. 

"You okay?" I asked softly. She nodded and shrugged. 

"Kind of. I miss George so much. How about you?" 

I sat up suddenly. 

"I can't do this." I whispered. She looked at me and sat up. 

"No," she laughed quietly. "Neither can I." 

"Sorry." I said. She shook her head. 

"It's fine. Thank you anyway, though." She laughed breathlessly. She loved George too much, I loved Lizzy too much. 

We lay back on the bed and held each other's hands so tightly, just hoping we could patch ourselves up with the simple action. 

"I'm sorry." She mumbled. I shook my head. 

"So am I." 

I felt sick. 

I wanted to die. 

I was just so glad I had stopped before we managed to fuck, I couldn't bear the feeling of cheating on Lizzy for such a stupid reason. 

She kissed my chin and I felt sleep threatening to take over my body.

"You have a girlfriend, don't you?" She looked ashamed. I brushed my thumb over her lips. 

"Yeah, but don't feel bad." I squeezed her hand. She nodded softly and sat up, pulling me with her. 

She put her clothes back on. 

"Can I use your bathroom?" She asked. I nodded and pointed to the en suite door. 

She kissed the top of my head and walked into the bathroom and returned a couple of minutes later with her hair up in a bun. 

"I'm really sorry Matty." She sat down on the bed next to me. I shrugged. 

"It's fine. It was a surreal experience to be honest." I said, she nodded and laughed softly. 

"Yeah. Well, if you're ever feeling lonely, you can guarantee I will be, so you can give me a call- wait no, that makes me sound like a call girl. You know what I mean." She said. I laughed and nodded my head. 

She shot me a sad, vulnerable smile and I did the same. 

She left the flat, leaving me sitting on the edge of the bed, burrying my nose into the sheets and thinking about Lizzy until she finally got back home. 

I didn't have sex with Kelsey. 

I didn't. 

I almost did, but not in the end.