Hurricane // Matty Healy ♣ The 1975

25. risk

Well I love the house that we live in.

I love you all too much.

Is it the same for you?

-

Matty's POV

I wanted to scream. 

It used to be that people enraged me more than things. But recently, the roles had been reversed. Or maybe I was just so full up with hatered that I just couldn't stand anything. Anything but her. 

"Lizzy..." I whispered into her ear. She yawned slightly, her eyes were shut. 

"Sorry..." She mumbled quietly, nuzzling her nose into my shoulder. 

"It's fine." I said, 

I picked her up carefully and carried her back inside out flat and into the bedroom.

I gently placed her down onto the mattress and watched her as she sank into it sleepily. Her eyes were still closed as she pushed her head into the pillow, a replacement of my shoulder. 

I tilted my head to the side and sat down on the bed next to her. 

I gently peeled her fluffy socks off her feet and left them on the floor. I'd pick them up the next morning before she woke up, so she wouldn't have to. 

I remembered her saying how she hated how small the leggings were, and how the waist band cut into her skin, but she never bought new ones, 

I pulled them down her legs gently, suddenly feeling like I was undressing a dead body. I frowned at the thought of it. 

I slid my hands up my t-shirt that was hanging from her weak frame and struggled, but just about managed, to take her bra off. 

I took my shirt and socks off and then moved her legs under the duvet and got underneath it with her. 

----------

Lizzy's POV

I woke up early the next morning, at about five o'clock. 

I tried to make as little noise as possible as I slipped over and pulled my laptop from the bed side table onto my knees. 

I opened it up and stared at Matty as the screen lit up. 

I watched his eyelids twitching and softly stroked my finger underneath them. I tilted my head to the side and smiled softly at his sleeping form and turned to my laptop. 

I went straight onto Twitter, even though all I really wanted to do was write until my fingertips were bleeding.  

Over the past week or so, I had gained more of a positive reaction from all of Matty's followers, but still, there were hundreds of hate messages. 

Someone had started #killmattysgf, but it wasn't that popular, thank god.

I scrolled through the tweets, flicking through them all like a book that I didn't particularly want to read.

I wanted a normal relationship. Not one that was extremely public, that people made assumptions about. 

I sighed and shut my eyes, resting my hand on my bare thigh and smiling softly. 

Matty must have carried me to bed.

I looked at him again and almost broke down. 

He didn't want me, not really, not at all. 

He lived such an exciting life, that didn't really have any room for me in it. 

I sighed softly and ran my hands through his hair carelessly before deciding to write a Tweet. Sober this time, but drunk on sorrow and love. 

'I'm really sorry <3' 

It was vague and painful to write but it seemed to sum my feelings up pretty nicely. 

I shut Twitter off and went onto a clear word doccument and started writing, slowly. 

After about thirty minutes of staring at only one sentence 'I don't understand.' Repeated over and over, I checked Twitter again. 

George had sent me a message. 

'Don't do anything stupid, Lizzy.'

I sighed, a little sick of being that typical emotionally unstable girl. 

'I won't.' I replied, before going back to the doccument. 

I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand

How a person like me,

could be loved by a person like you. 

With all of your power and grace and your strong jaw and stronger mind. 

I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand

How a person like me,

could exist, 

without a person like you. 

But I do understand (I do understand, I do understand, I do understand, I do understand, I do understand, I do understand, I do, I do, I fucking do) 

How a person like you,

could exist,

without a person like me,

clinging to them constantly, 

just to keep their head above the Water. 

'Coz I'm a fucking Hurricane, darling,

and I love you more than anything in the world.

But I'm life destroying,

and I just want to leave now.

But I don't know how you'd react. 

So I'm not going to Risk it,

at least for a couple more days. 

---

i'm an over-dramatic asshole. <3